Om mig

Mit billede
Oslo, Norway
Nysgjerrig. Autodidakt. Frilanser. Musiker. Skribent. Meningsfull. Byråkrat. Meg selv, på de fleste plan, med stor nysgjerrighet for livet utenfor det såkalte normale. Tilhenger av det rettferdige og samarbeid på tvers av alt. Leser og skriver der jeg har lyst. Fetisjist, hedonist, eksibisjonist, og biseksuell. Pround to be a member of FRI/LLH, Sex&Politikk, SMil Norge og Oslo BDSM! ⊙ Oslo C · steneanker@gmail.com steneanker.wordpress.com

lørdag den 26. oktober 2013


I am locked, in a personal reality 
I am a dirty boy, and I want to be clean 
So I bleed in a ritual, for the goat 
And through the razor blades embrace, now I slit my throat 
And I choke, as the blood begins to gurgle out my mouth 
I want to be dominated, so I'm never getting out 
I should be beaten in a cage with no permission to speak 
Kept on a collar with my mistress slowly tugging at my leash 
Keep me deceased, publicly humiliate my strength 
Punish me within this chamber beat me when I beat my meat 
I am a slave, and I've found a way to live within this bliss 
All I needed in my life, was a little more of this 


D  



I pull the trigger, and I wake up on my knees 
I'm surrounded by this torture and I do not know what's happening 
In front of me, I see a demoness 
I'll give you endless pleasure and I'll take away your breath 
I have no life left, but I'm dominated endlessly 
I give my body to my mistress and I kiss upon her feet 
It's not enough, so I struggle to the rack 
As these hooks and chains, slowly peirce across my back 
So now I'm back, in my former position 
My mistress takes the dullest needle and makes millions of incisions 
And my life is now severed in this pain that's so uplifting 
Where I am a slave forever and I make no more decisions 


D  



This is all I've ever really wanted so it's what I've got 
This pain is burning forever inside me so It's what I want 
Every infliction upon my body gives me pain 
With every tear that I cry, makes this blood begin to rain 
There's no mercy to my flesh, as she takes the razor blade 
And with her wicked smile begins to cut through all the major veins 
It's the same 
It's the pain 
It's an endless endeavour, I wouldn't have it any other way. (unknown)

torsdag den 24. oktober 2013

DØP 03groteske_w | © Hans-Jürgen Döpp
DØP 03groteske

Fetisjisme - komplekse greier


Forfatter: Julie Peakman
Fetisjisme handler ikke bare om sex, det er også et kjent begrep innen studier av menneskelig adferd rent generelt. Antropologer har lenge visst at fetisjisme er komplekse greier, og det blir ikke enklere når man blander inn sex.
Dette kapittelet av seksualitetens historie er en del av artikkelserien Perversjonenes historie som den engelske forfatteren og historikeren Julie Peakman har skrevet på bestilling fra Cupido.


Fetisjisme er dyrking av fetisjer. Innen antropologien er en fetisj et objekt som blir tillagt overnaturlige evner, eller et menneskeskapt objekt som blir tillagt makt over andre. Det er med andre ord snakk om å gi verdi eller kraft til et objekt.

Ordet fetisj er lånt fra det franske fétiche og portugisiske feitiço som igjen er dannet av de latinske facticius, som betyr «kunstig» og facere, «å lage».

Seksuell fetisjisme er seksualitet der konkrete gjenstander, handlinger eller ideer blir tillagt seksuell tiltrekningskraft. Slike seksualiserte objekter og personlige, seksuelle særinteresser kalles seksuelle fetisjer. Hos et fåtall personer er fetisjen eller fetisjene helt nødvendige for at de skal føle lyst, tenne seksuelt eller oppnå seksuell tilfredsstillelse, mens andre anser fetisjen som en foretrukket metode for å føle størst mulig seksuell nytelse.

Symbol for kjærlighetsobjektet
I 1887 identifiserte den franske psykologen Alfred Binet for første gang fetisjisme som en fremherskende eller spesiell interesse for livløse ting eller spesifikke kroppsdeler. Han definerte det som «en type avvik hvor en persons libido blir forbundet med noe som representerer et symbol for kjærlighetsobjektet».  Enhver besettelse av visse kroppsdeler, som for eksempel fett, hår, hender, føtter og hals ble fremhevet som fetisjisme. Disse fetisjene kunne føre til slikking, kjæling, suging og å fylle opp eller på andre måter presse inn eller ejakulere på det som var i begjærets sentrum.

Manglende kontroll over sine impulser og handlinger i forbindelse med fetisjer har ført til at folk har søkt hjelp hos psykologer og psykiatere.

Fetisjer – gjenstander til begjær – av alle typer har i løpet av årene blitt beskrevet som alt fra lommetørklær, korsetter og dametruser til sko, bånd og knapper. Men typen besettelse har forandret seg gjennom tidene.

Dåne av blomsterbuketter
I det attende århundre kunne en hanske eller en blomst være nok til å gi en person et voldsomt seksuelt begjær. I det attende århundre kunne kolossale blomsterbuketter, festet til jakkeslaget, få både menn og kvinner til å dåne.

En kjent britisk prostituert som blant annet var populær for sine talent for pisking, fortalte følgende om en affære med en annen kvinne: «Hun begynte nok en gang å kysse meg, hun luktet på buketten min, eller egentlig den søtladne sopelimekvasten min, en lukt som så ut til å øke hennes begjær; hun lot hendene gli over hele kroppen min, faktisk på samme måte som menn gjør med kvinner for å hisse opp deres lyster før de nyter dem.»

Så store buketter ble avgjort forbundet med sex og ble av den prostituerte kalt for «kåthetens bukett».

Lommetørkleets makt

Damelommetørkleet hadde en spesiell erotisk verdi i viktoriatiden, formodentlig på grunn av dets forbindelse med fine fornemmelser.

Psykiater Albert Moll ga et eksempel på den makten et vink med et lommetørkle kunne ha. En kvinne fortalte ham at «jeg vet om en viss herre, og dersom jeg møter ham på avstand trenger jeg kun å trekke frem mitt lommetørkle slik at det titter ut av lommen min, før jeg med sikkerhet vet at han kommer til å følge etter meg som en hund etter sin herre».

En 32 år gammel baker var mer utrettelig. Han tilsto å ha stjålet mellom 80 og 90 damelommetørklær, men brydde seg bare om lommetørklærne som tilhørte tiltrekkende kvinner. Da han ble arrestert i 1890 gjennomførte politiet en husransakelse. De fant over 400 damelommetørklær, og han innrømmet at han allerede hadde brent to bunter av dem.

Foten like opphissende som ansiktet
En av de vanligste fetisjene gjennom tiden har vært fotfetisjisme. Under det attende århundre beundret kvinner andre kvinners små føtter, både som et motetilbehør og som vakre gjenstander, mens menn plukket, slikket og tilbad prostituerte føtter.

Beundring av damers føtter var alminnelig i attenhundretallets England. Synet av en velformet fot ble anerkjent som en gjenstand for beundring, og noe en herre kunne tillate seg å begjære.
Den datidige kurtisane Harriette Wilson uttalte om sin elsker: «Hans Høyhet elsket meg virkelig, og fremfor alt elsket han føttene mine.»

Skuespillerinne Sally Salisburys ben og føtter tiltrakk seg utallige beundrere, og det ble sagt at «hennes ben og føtter har evnen til å opphisse, slik ansikt og stemmer kan gjøre hos andre».

En venn av Mrs. Margaret Leeson, en irsk bordellmamma på attenhundretallet, innrømmet at hun hadde tilbrakt tid med en kunde som gledet seg over hennes føtter, og som «plukket, vasket og rengjorde mine vakre små tær, noe som ga ham stor tilfredsstillelse og glede, og som var et uskyldig tidsfordriv for ham i timevis».

Offentlighetens nysgjerrighet

Etter ekteskapet mellom Frederick Augustus, Hertug av York og Albany, og hans nye brud Frederica Charlotte Ulrica Catherine i 1791, var datidens aviser ivrige etter å etterkomme offentlighetens nysgjerrighet og spenning rundt bryllupet.

Dessverre var hertuginnen temmelig lite glamorøs, så avisene rapporterte i stedet om størrelsen på hennes små føtter og de elegante, diamantbesatte skoene hennes.

The Morning Post skrev 7. januar 1792: «… en utlending må anta at adskillig av våre spinkle uttalelser på trykk ble beskrevet av skoprodusenter. (…) Så meget har de sagt om Hertuginnen av Yorks sko.»

Affæren ble også omtalt i James Gilrays utgivelse Fashionable Contrasts, Or The Duchess’s Little Shoe yielding to the Magnitude of the Duke’s Foot – der hertugens fot var ment som en lystig metafor for hans penis.

Fetisjisme som mental forstyrrelse
Sexolog Havelock Ellis observerte fetisjer i sin bok Studies in the Psychology of Sex (1897). Han skrev om en av hans mannlige pasienter som ville bli trådd på av en kvinne. Fra han var ni eller ti år gammel hadde han onanert, men forble uvitende om sex generelt.

Da han ble tiltrukket av kvinner, var han ikke opptatt av å ha samleie, men å ligge på gulvet for å bli tråkket på.

Pasienten innrømmet at «tråkkingen bør skje i et par minutter over brystet, magen, lysken, og til slutt på penis; som selvsagt ligger voldsomt erigert langs magen, og følgelig er altfor hard å trå på eller gjøre skade på. Jeg nyter også å bli nestenkvalt av en kvinnes fot.»

En annen pasient tilsto å ha blitt tråkket på av føttene til minst hundre kvinner av høy sosial rang, som aldri ville ha drømt om å ha samleie med ham.

Sexolog Richard von Krafft-Ebing var enig med sine kollegaer som antok at «patologisk fetisjisme synes å oppstå bare på grunnlag av et psykopatisk forhold som for det meste er arvelig, eller på grunnlag av en eksisterende mental forstyrrelse». Skjønt han trodde også at det kunne være «et enkelt spor som bestemte foreningen mellom kjønnslige lyster og begjær».

Ofte skjedde forbindelsen med kjærlighetsobjektet ved den først seksuelle stimulus, eller den første masturbasjon. Sexolog Richard von Krafft-Ebing uttalte at «i enhver fetisjists liv kan man anta at det har vært noe som har skjedd som har bestemt foreningen av kjønnslige lyster med det ene uttrykket».

I sin bok The Sex Life of the Foot and the Shoe (1976) beskriver William Rossi en fetisj som at «det seksuelle begjæret velger utelukkende og tilstrekkelig et objekt som kan være deler av kroppen (for eksempel føtter) eller noe å ha på seg (for eksempel sko)». Han hevder at «foten er et erotisk organ, og skoen dets seksuelle omslag».

Tillært adferd og belønning
Ved slutten av det tjuende århundre dukket det opp organisasjoner og klubber for beundring av foten. The Foot Fraternity eller «Fotbroderskapet», en organisasjon for homofile og bifile fotfetisjister, var grunnlaget for en undersøkelse i 1995 hvor 263 av dets medlemmer (alle menn) ble intervjuet.

Denne forskningen er uvurderlig, ved at den oppsummerte mange tidligere undersøkelser som strekker seg fra 1950 og gjennom 1980-årene, som kartlegger hvordan man så på dette med fetisjisme.

Resultatet av undersøkelsen går på tvers av tidligere funn og vraker tanken på at fetisjisme må sees på som et resultat av arvelighet eller mentalforstyrrelser.  Den viste at slike spesifikke seksuelle forkjærligheter er en tillært atferd. Sexforsker John Money foreslo at opphavene til de ulike fetisjer kan ha årsak i strenge sexleker i barndommen med kvinnelige forbilder, og at fetisjene utviklet seg som en form for belønning.

Fetisjister ble sett på som syke tapere
Folk kan ha ulike grader av fetisjisme, fra en «normal» preferanse til en sterk, ekstrem besettelse som kan overta en persons liv fullstendig, og som gjør at personen ikke lenger kan fungere seksuelt uten at fetisjen er med som en del av sexakten.

En fetisjist ble tidligere som oftest sett på som et ensomt menneske, vanligvis en mann, en person som føler seg utilstrekkelig og som mangler sosiale ferdigheter med det motsatte kjønn.  En annen analytiker i samme tidsperiode mente også å ha funnet ut at i saker som omhandler seksuelle avvik, kommer mennene fra undertrykte familier. En form for tvang besetter dem og tvinger dem til å foreta den avvikende atferd som blir etterfulgt av skamfølelse, skyld og engstelse, et faktum som allerede er blitt belyst i de mange tilfellene til tidligere sexologer.

Nå til dags ser få folk på fetisjisme som et problem, og det er mindre skyldfølelse forbundet med fetisjer. Lær, gummi, lateks og alle sorters materiale er til for fantasien, mens høyhælte støvletter, stiletter og korsetter er selve basisen for mange S&M-rollespill.


Referanse: Definisjoner i begynnelsen av denne artikkelen er hentet fra den norske utgaven av Wikipedia

lørdag den 19. oktober 2013

Men's Orgasms: A Woman's Perspectives

I've never heard anyone complain that a girl cums too fast. For that matter, in real life, I've only occasionally heard girls complain that their male partners cum too fast. Meanwhile, most guys obsess about cumming too fast themselves. It's often nothing to do with sexual satisfaction; actually, it frequently seems to get in the way of sexual satisfaction--especially their own. It's not about anybody feeling better or having a better time--it's about pride and some weirdly misplaced sense of virility. Well, screw that. I value our sexual pleasure more than your masculine values.
I was introduced to this notion in an amusing exchange with a boyfriend at the time:
Him: If you cum, it means I’m doing a good job. If I cum, it means the fun’s over.
Me: That sounds like terrible conditioning. But why do we have to stop just because you came?
There’ve been a series of related post-coital conversations I’ve had with guys that go something like this:
Him [looking slightly confused and embarrassed]: ...I came too fast.
Me: Did you have a good time? [“yes”] Did it feel good? [“yes”] Okay, great. I came a lot. So please stop looking embarrassed, and shut up and fuck me again as soon as your dick recovers.
And another annoying, but also related conversation:
Him [looking slightly confused and embarrassed]: ...I can’t cum because I spent too long trying not to while I was fucking you.
Me: Why on earth would you do that?
Him: ...Because I don’t want to cum as soon as I enter you.
Me [eyeroll]: Check my fetish list, dumbass. I’m into that.
...Okay, I’ll confess that I’m not the most compassionate of lovers sometimes, but I really have never claimed that I’d have sex with anyone to validate their sense of masculinity. I’ve said the opposite before (I’m great at validating androgyny and genderqueer), but seriously: I have sex to have awesome sex, and your need to feel like a good lover by postponing your orgasms mostly just gets in the way of my good time. Cum too fast? Okay, fine, whatever. Shove your hand in me, shove a toy in me, eat me out, or do all three. But being embarrassed about finding me pleasurable isn’t particularly hot.
I'm regularly amused that the sexual encounters I have with women are often about half as long as the sexual encounters I have with guys. Sure, some of that might be biological, but I think that most of it is that women have no shame about cumming as soon as we start having sex. Once we've both cum 4 or 5 times, it seems like pretty awesome sex to me, even if it only takes 10 minutes. I refuse to let culture dictate to me what good sex is: if I've cum so hard that my ears are ringing and my legs shake, I don't really care how long it took. And most women I know agree. But lots of guys think that if they only have sex for 10 minutes, even if we're both totally happy, they've failed somehow.
I realize there's a lifetime of baggage attached to all of this that I'll never erase with a single fetlife post, but I really wish we could try to shift cultural perspectives in two ways. First, I'd rather men found sexual pride in pleasing their partners than in how long their cocks stay hard. I get actively annoyed when guys seem more concerned about how long their dicks stay hard than they do about my satisfaction. For the record, it is totally irrelevant to me if your dick is only in my vagina for 5 minutes if you make me cum the entire time (yes, this is possible). In fact, that sex is almost always preferable to me compared to sex where I get fucked for 30 minutes straight and briefly cum once. I really don't understand why so many men have difficulty understanding that. It's a total falsehood to imagine that a hard dick and a lengthy sexual encounter automatically makes a satisfied partner. If they're less satisfied by shorter sex, that's a different issue, but they seem way more hung up on pride than pleasure much of the time. And I would assume that sex that just feels good is more satisfying than sex where they spend a good portion of their time trying hard not to cum.
(While I'm on the subject of men’s orgasms, can I tangentially punch the person who decided that men were supposed to cum quietly? This one is totally on women and men both, since I've actually heard women mock the noises men make during sex. Newsflash: if you're fucking my pussy or my ass, I really mostly can't tell if you've cum unless you say so or make some noise, especially when there are condoms involved. So I find silent orgasms slightly disconcerting, and, pardon the pun, anti-climactic. (Although it does amuse the shit out of me how guys often say, "I'm going to cum!" like they're very surprised or expect this to require some sort of preparation. I've never heard a girl say this). Moreover, I promise that tantric wisdom teaches us that both men and women have better sex and better orgasms when they breathe deeply and make noise. In short, guys: you have a right to cum just as loudly as girls do, and it's sexy when you do.)
Second, I think it’s stupidly unfair that we put all the responsibility for good intercourse on guys: if he cums before she does, he feels bad. But you know what? In this theoretical universe of sexual responsibility, women have an equal responsibility to cum quickly. That sounds like a stupid construction of sexuality to me, but seriously--shouldn't men and women have equal responsibility for their own and their partner's sexual satisfaction? I don’t actually want anyone to feel bad for how quickly or slowly they orgasm, but I think it’s absurd for men to feel bad about cumming “too fast” when in reality “too fast” is a totally relative speed that just means “faster than her.” I’m okay with a universe in which both people value their partner’s sexual satisfaction more than their own (I think I prefer that one, actually, as long as it isn't an extreme). However, I think part of being a mature sexual participant is understanding that (1) what you and your partner find pleasurable is way more important than a load of cultural bullshit, (2) most women need more than just a deep dicking to get off (hey, I'm not knocking it though), and (3) just like men, women are at least partially responsible for getting themselves off, and if they can't, their own sexual satisfaction is likely going to suffer. I’m not saying that some guys don’t, by some vaguely objective measure, cum too fast. But I am saying that women aren’t entitled to expect men to totally sacrifice men’s sexual pleasure on behalf of women’s.
Maybe you don't cum too fast. Maybe she just cums too slow.




15 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself.

15 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself.


1. Stop Running From Your Problems - You cannot run from something forever, and believe it or not the longer you run from something the more difficult it becomes to face. Challenges arise for a reason, and as difficult as many of them can be to both face and overcome they always give you the opportunity to become a stronger and more capable version of yourself. There are also fewer things more liberating than the feeling of finally facing something that you had put off or had been afraid of for so long.

2. Stop Lying To Yourself & Others – Lying is in my opinion the most naturally cumulative process. What starts as a simple and small lie (possibly even with the intention of not hurting someone) quickly spirals into an entirely false reality where the biggest factor preventing you from sharing the truth is the unwanted reputation of being known as a liar. We lie to one another, but even more so we lie to ourselves most often to protect our oh so fragile ego. We might even be inclined to lie to ourselves when reading this list, not wanting to admit how many of these tendencies we actually do. Remember that in the end the past has helped to make you who you are but does not define you, you therefore always have the ability to make the transition to full honesty & you will probably be pleasantly surprised by how much lighter an honest existence can be.

3. Stop Letting The Fear Of Making A Mistake Stop You From Doing Something – Mistakes certainly can be a frustrating experience but never are they worth holding yourself back from doing something you feel pulled to do. We all know we learn from our mistakes but we need to also remember that we learn even more from stepping outside of our comfort zone and doing something different or new.

4. Stop Comparing Yourself To Others – Whether it’s an iconic figure or even a friend or co-worker many of us have a natural tendency to compare ourselves or our circumstance to that of another. Think of how many times you may have said, either vocally or under your breath, “must be nice” when looking at a facet of another person’s life. Just as the famous saying goes: the grass will always seem greener on the other side. Whether or not the grass actually is greener has no true bearing on the only grass we should be focused on, the one right below our feet. The moment we stop comparing and instead focus on our own experience the more likely we are to both find peace in things being the way that they are and motivation to change them should we feel pulled to.

5. Stop Living For Something In The Future – Whether it’s something as temporary as an upcoming vacation or as permanent as retirement, living for something in the future is great for one key thing: preventing us from living right now. One thing is for certain, in this life we are never going to be any younger than we are right now, so what time is better than right now? I’m not suggesting that we stop making all future plans, since they certainly can be useful, but that we instead focus on the present and allow the future to be what it will when the time for it comes.

6. Stop Trying To Get People To Feel Sorry For You – Nobody likes a negative Nancy or a pessimistic Peter, yet so many of us regularly make a habit of sharing nothing but the unpleasant or unfavorable. As nice as it can feel at one level to receive sympathy from another person we all know it does absolutely nothing to change the situation that we are complaining about. In fact it actually makes it a bigger part of your reality since now you aren’t the only one to identify with it. Accept whatever it is that seems to be plaguing you and choose to move on from it rather than bask in the stories or emotions that could be made from it.

7. Stop Trying To Re-live/ Make Up For Your Past – As I previously mentioned your past does not define you, and that applies whether you look upon it favorably or as something you wish you could forget. As fun or torturous as reminiscing can be at times in the end nothing truly matters outside of this moment. Rather than preoccupy yourself with a comparison to another point in time why not try giving all of your energy and attention to the one that is right in front of you.

8. Stop Putting Things Off For The Eternal Tomorrow – This one could alternatively be called ‘stop being lazy,’ and it more than likely is the one that plagues the largest percentage of us that read this. Laziness is a lethal pandemic that has been stood up to before, but still manages to hold its ground a lot more often than we all probably would like. Remembering that there is no time like the present, opt to show laziness who is boss a little more often and you might be surprised at how contagious present action can be. You will undoubtedly be more productive and might just find yourself motivated to do a lot more than you ever thought imaginable.

9. Stop Blaming Things Outside Of You - Even though we all do genuinely find ourselves as the ‘victim’ to a person or circumstance on occasion, we usually inaccurately point the blame elsewhere far more often. As much as this can be an effective tool in dodging difficulty with another person it never works in dodging difficulty within yourself. You will always know the true cause behind even the grandest lie and not living up to it will never be the easier path to travel. Own up for what you have caused or what is really holding you back and you might just find yourself a lot more in control of your own reality and even comfortable in your own shoes.

10. Stop Letting The Past Define How You Think Of Others – Your friend may have unnecessarily called you a jackass three years ago but that doesn’t mean that you need to see them as a jackass today. You should always use your own guidance to determine whether or not you want to surround yourself with certain people but you shouldn’t let the past taint that guidance. As difficult or as emotionally charged as a lot of it may be, the past is simply baggage that should have no bearing on the present moment. Think of how much you have changed and grown throughout your life, be open to the same level of change existing in another rather than automatically clouding your perspective of them.

11. Stop Setting Expectations For Things Before They Happen – Let’s face it, the imagination loves to wander, and in most cases it wanders to create expectations far grander than even humanly possible. As fun as getting lost in la-la land can be at times it also manages to do a pretty good job of making the present reality seem a lot worse than it actually is. I’ve heard countless people tell me how the best things in life have always seemed to happen when they least expected it, so what better way to help create that then to simply stop expecting. Be in the moment and things will always seem that much more exciting, mostly because they don’t have so much craziness to try and live up to.

12. Stop Looking For Someone Perfect – Not only is our idea of perfect most likely heavily shaped by entertainment and popular media but it is also ever changing and therefore pretty well impossible to ever be met. Rather than focusing on your search for that perfect someone to complete you, focus on what you need to do to feel complete within yourself. We are all capable of being and feeling complete love on our own, relationships are simply the extension of that love with another person. The shedding of the need for “perfection” will also make you a lot more open to connecting and sharing experiences with anyone that comes into your life, remembering that love can often be found in the oddest places.

13. Stop Trying To Be Someone That You Are Not - Whether it’s the impact of popular opinion once again or simply the preference of someone you are trying to impress, we are never doing ourselves a favor when we try to become someone else. Even if the charade manages to work in getting you what you were going for, it only does so for a false version of yourself. Focusing on understanding and fully owning with comfort who you truly are will take you a lot further in life than anything artificially created.

14. Stop Beating Yourself Up – As insulting as another person can be, there is nothing capable of being more vicious to ourselves than ourselves. Whether you let your high school crush get away, you dropped the game winning touchdown or anything else along those same lines, nothing from the past has to have any bearing on the present. Choosing to create this moment anew rather than weigh it down by things that are completely irrelevant to everything but your mind can be a really freeing process.

15. Stop Just Reading & Start Doing – As amazing as books, quotes and even articles such as this one can be to help remind us of what we already know it’s time that we all regularly put these things into action. Allow these resources to become a starting point rather than a regularly needed reminder.
 

My Shadow and I




fredag den 18. oktober 2013

slave for life

His chains they bite ,I bleed
not from my flesh but from my need

I feel you touch its like a flame
each moment you wish to tame

Im wild and free and still a slave
I walk the road to me you gave

I follow you and your desire
my passion burns in last fire

you put this collar on me now
I beg and do and nod and bow

ill always be your loving wife
and know that I am a slave for life

SoftKitten

tirsdag den 15. oktober 2013

Cock sucking, it's an art and not everyone is actually good at it.

Cock sucking is one my favorite things. I can't imagine not being able to do it, my mouth was built for it and inevitably I learned to not only appreciate the sensuality behind it but how wet it makes me every time I attempt it.
I think that sucking a cock is not rocket science. In fact good cock sucking indeed has to be taught. I remember a time in my vanilla life where I thought I was good at it. I thought just licking it would do the job then they would stick it inside me and then we would be done.
I loved penetration and still do. Being opened up by a nice cock was always fun for me. I'm tight so being opened up is like the first time every time and I enjoy that. I'm lucky i guess. But back to cock sucking, I learned right away in one of my first lifestyle relationships I was doing it all wrong.
Mechanics are one thing but I spent hours tirelessly perfecting my craft. I finally got some of the techniques right and practice does make close to perfect. But practicing is always fun and I am a very hands on type of person.
Yes cock sucking to me is like painting or singing, it's art that makes the other person moan with pleasure and cum beyond your wildest dreams. It's perfection all built up in one moment of release and I love watching every step of the process. I love using other parts of my body in my cock sucking sessions such as by using my boobs rubbing right up against the balls, hands or anything that will add more sensation.
I also love staring right back at the person seeing them respond to what I am doing is probably what gets me wet the most. You get in to there mind when you use your mouth on someone, it's not about the end result(them cumming) but the destination(you choose how fast or how slow you want to go).
I know a lot of things in this post might get you wet but that is it's intention. To turn you on and make you want to get off and also explore Cock sucking which is at the top of my list of favorite things.
Cock worship is becoming a favorite as well, it's the ritual aspect I love about it. It is amazing to have someone who loves your cock sucking, who even loves shoving it deep just so they can hear you come up for air. It's intoxicating and can create amazing moments you will not soon forget.
So before you write off the Cock, Cock sucking or Cock worship in general..ask yourself if you would like to make someone cum hard every single time with your mouth without fail? Would you like to feel the energy of that person run right through you just as they are cumming? How deep do you really want to go..
It has been a blessing for me to learn and grow and feel accomplished with my cock sucking abilities. I will always love it and create a wet puddle every time I do it or think about it.
– Melina_Star

søndag den 13. oktober 2013

At first I was afraid, I was petrified

At first I was afraid, I was petrified.
When you said you had 10 inches, Lord I almost died!
But I'd spent so many years just waiting for a man that long, that
I grew strong, and I knew that I could take you on...
But there you are, another lie,
I was ready for a Big Mac and you've brought me a French fry!
I should have known that it was bullshit, just a sad pathetic dream
Should have known there was no Anaconda lurking in those
Jeans!
Go on now - go! , Walk out the door,
Don't you promise me 10 inches, then turn up with only 4!
Weren't you a prat to think I wouldn't find you out!?
Don't you know we're only joking when we say size don't count??!!
oh no not I, I will survive!
Cos as long as I have batteries,
My sex life's gonna thrive!
I will always have good sex,
With a handful of latex!
I will survive! I will survive! Hey! Hey!
It took all my self-control not to laugh out loud,
When I saw your little wiener standing tall and proud!
But to hell with your ego and to hell with all your needs,
Now I'm saving all my lovin' for a cordless multispeed!
oh no not I, I will survive!
Cos as long as I have batteries,
My sex life's gonna thrive!
I will always have good sex,
With a handful of latex!
I will survive! I will survive! Hey! Hey!
– Angel-K

lørdag den 12. oktober 2013

Hey, Bisexual guys, here's some validation.

From the New York Times; article here

In an unusual scientific about-face, researchers at Northwestern University have found evidence that at least some men who identify themselves as bisexual are, in fact, sexually aroused by both women and men.

The finding is not likely to surprise bisexuals, who have long asserted that attraction often is not limited to one sex. But for many years the question of bisexuality has bedeviled scientists. A widely publicized study published in 2005, also by researchers at Northwestern, reported that “with respect to sexual arousal and attraction, it remains to be shown that male bisexuality exists.” 

That conclusion outraged bisexual men and women, who said it appeared to support a stereotype of bisexual men as closeted homosexuals. 

In the new study, published online in the journal Biological Psychology, the researchers relied on more stringent criteria for selecting participants. To improve their chances of finding men aroused by women as well as men, the researchers recruited subjects from online venues specifically catering to bisexuals.
They also required participants to have had sexual experiences with at least two people of each sex and a romantic relationship of at least three months with at least one person of each sex. 

Men in the 2005 study, on the other hand, were recruited through advertisements in gay-oriented and alternative publications and were identified as heterosexual, bisexual or homosexual based on responses to a standard questionnaire. 

In both studies, men watched videos of male and female same-sex intimacy while genital sensors monitored their erectile responses. While the first study reported that the bisexuals generally resembled homosexuals in their responses, the new one finds that bisexual men responded to both the male and female videos, while gay and straight men in the study did not. 

Both studies also found that bisexuals reported subjective arousal to both sexes, notwithstanding their genital responses. “Someone who is bisexual might say, ‘Well, duh!’” said Allen Rosenthal, the lead author of the new Northwestern study and a doctoral student in psychology at the university. “But this will be validating to a lot of bisexual men who had heard about the earlier work and felt that scientists weren’t getting them.” 

The Northwestern study is the second one published this year to report a distinctive pattern of sexual arousal among bisexual men. 

In March, a study in Archives of Sexual Behavior reported the results of a different approach to the question. As in the Northwestern study, the researchers showed participants erotic videos of two men and two women and monitored genital as well as subjective arousal. But they also included scenes of a man having sex with both a woman and another man, on the theory that these might appeal to bisexual men.
The researchers — Jerome Cerny, a retired psychology professor at Indiana State University, and Erick Janssen, a senior scientist at the Kinsey Institute — found that bisexual men were more likely than heterosexuals or gay men to experience both genital and subjective arousal while watching these videos. 

Dr. Lisa Diamond, a psychology professor at the University of Utah and an expert on sexual orientation, said that the two new studies, taken together, represented a significant step toward demonstrating that bisexual men do have specific arousal patterns. 

“I’ve interviewed a lot of individuals about how invalidating it is when their own family members think they’re confused or going through a stage or in denial,” she said. “These converging lines of evidence, using different methods and stimuli, give us the scientific confidence to say this is something real.” 

The new studies are relatively small in size, making it hard to draw generalities, especially since bisexual men may have varying levels of sexual, romantic and emotional attraction to partners of either sex. And of course the studies reveal nothing about patterns of arousal among bisexual women. The Northwestern study included 100 men, closely split among bisexuals, heterosexuals and homosexuals. The study in Archives of Sexual Behavior included 59 participants, among them 13 bisexuals.
The new Northwestern study was financed in part by the American Institute of Bisexuality, a group that promotes research and education regarding bisexuality. Still, advocates expressed mixed feelings about the research. 

Jim Larsen, 53, a chairman of the Bisexual Organizing Project, a Minnesota-based advocacy group, said the findings could help bisexuals still struggling to accept themselves.
“It’s great that they’ve come out with affirmation that bisexuality exists,” he said. “Having said that, they’re proving what we in the community already know. It’s insulting. I think it’s unfortunate that anyone doubts an individual who says, ‘This is what I am and who I am.’ ”
Ellyn Ruthstrom, president of the Bisexual Resource Center in Boston, echoed Mr. Larsen’s discomfort. 

“This unfortunately reduces sexuality and relationships to just sexual stimulation,” Ms. Ruthstrom said. “Researchers want to fit bi attraction into a little box — you have to be exactly the same, attracted to men and women, and you’re bisexual. That’s nonsense. What I love is that people express their bisexuality in so many different ways.” 

Despite her cautious praise of the new research, Dr. Diamond also noted that the kind of sexual arousal tested in the studies is only one element of sexual orientation and identity. And simply interpreting results about sexual arousal is complicated, because monitoring genital response to erotic images in a laboratory setting cannot replicate an actual human interaction, she added.
“Sexual arousal is a very complicated thing,” she said. “The real phenomenon in day-to-day life is extraordinarily messy and multifactorial.”
The full original article can be found here on KateHarding.net and I recommend every single person that comes to my blog go over there and read it (or read excerpts here).

Gentlemen. Thank you for reading.
Let me start out by assuring you that I understand you are a good sort of person. You are kind to children and animals. You respect the elderly. You donate to charity. You tell jokes without laughing at your own punchlines. You respect women. You like women. In fact, you would really like to have a mutually respectful and loving sexual relationship with a woman. Unfortunately, you don’t yet know that woman—she isn’t working with you, nor have you been introduced through mutual friends or drawn to the same activities. So you must look further afield to encounter her.
So far, so good. Miss LonelyHearts, your humble instructor, approves. Human connection, love, romance: there is nothing wrong with these yearnings.
Now, you want to become acquainted with a woman you see in public. The first thing you need to understand is that women are dealing with a set of challenges and concerns that are strange to you, a man. To begin with, we would rather not be killed or otherwise violently assaulted.
“But wait! I don’t want that, either!”
Well, no. But do you think about it all the time? Is preventing violent assault or murder part of your daily routine, rather than merely something you do when you venture into war zones? Because, for women, it is. When I go on a date, I always leave the man’s full name and contact information written next to my computer monitor. This is so the cops can find my body if I go missing. My best friend will call or e-mail me the next morning, and I must answer that call or e-mail before noon-ish, or she begins to worry. If she doesn’t hear from me by three or so, she’ll call the police. My activities after dark are curtailed. Unless I am in a densely-occupied, well-lit space, I won’t go out alone. Even then, I prefer to have a friend or two, or my dogs, with me. Do you follow rules like these?
So when you, a stranger, approach me, I have to ask myself: Will this man rape me?
Do you think I’m overreacting? One in every six American women will be sexually assaulted in her lifetime. I bet you don’t think you know any rapists, but consider the sheer number of rapes that must occur. These rapes are not all committed by Phillip Garrido, Brian David Mitchell, or other members of the Brotherhood of Scary Hair and Homemade Religion. While you may assume that none of the men you know are rapists, I can assure you that at least one is. Consider: if every rapist commits an average of ten rapes (a horrifying number, isn’t it?) then the concentration of rapists in the population is still a little over one in sixty. That means four in my graduating class in high school. One among my coworkers. One in the subway car at rush hour. Eleven who work out at my gym. How do I know that you, the nice guy who wants nothing more than companionship and True Love, are not this rapist?
I don’t.
When you approach me in public, you are Schrödinger’s Rapist. You may or may not be a man who would commit rape. I won’t know for sure unless you start sexually assaulting me. I can’t see inside your head, and I don’t know your intentions. If you expect me to trust you—to accept you at face value as a nice sort of guy—you are not only failing to respect my reasonable caution, you are being cavalier about my personal safety.
Fortunately, you’re a good guy. We’ve already established that. Now that you’re aware that there’s a problem, you are going to go out of your way to fix it, and to make the women with whom you interact feel as safe as possible.
To begin with, you must accept that I set my own risk tolerance. When you approach me, I will begin to evaluate the possibility you will do me harm. That possibility is never 0%. For some women, particularly women who have been victims of violent assaults, any level of risk is unacceptable. Those women do not want to be approached, no matter how nice you are or how much you’d like to date them. Okay? That’s their right. Don’t get pissy about it. Women are under no obligation to hear the sales pitch before deciding they are not in the market to buy.
The second important point: you must be aware of what signals you are sending by your appearance and the environment. We are going to be paying close attention to your appearance and behavior and matching those signs to our idea of a threat.
This means that some men should never approach strange women in public. Specifically, if you have truly unusual standards of personal cleanliness, if you are the prophet of your own religion, or if you have tattoos of gang symbols or Technicolor cockroaches all over your face and neck, you are just never going to get a good response approaching a woman cold. That doesn’t mean you’re doomed to a life of solitude, but I suggest you start with internet dating, where you can put your unusual traits out there and find a woman who will appreciate them.
Are you wearing a tee-shirt making a rape joke? NOT A GOOD CHOICE—not in general, and definitely not when approaching a strange woman.
Pay attention to the environment. Look around. Are you in a dark alley? Then probably you ought not approach a woman and try to strike up a conversation. The same applies if you are alone with a woman in most public places. If the public place is a closed area (a subway car, an elevator, a bus), even a crowded one, you may not realize that the woman’s ability to flee in case of threat is limited. Ask yourself, “If I were dangerous, would this woman be safe in this space with me?” If the answer is no, then it isn’t appropriate to approach her.
On the other hand, if you are both at church accompanied by your mothers, who are lifelong best friends, the woman is as close as it comes to safe. That is to say, still not 100% safe. But the odds are pretty good.
The third point: Women are communicating all the time. Learn to understand and respect women’s communication to you.
You want to say Hi to the cute girl on the subway. How will she react? Fortunately, I can tell you with some certainty, because she’s already sending messages to you. Looking out the window, reading a book, working on a computer, arms folded across chest, body away from you = do not disturb. So, y’know, don’t disturb her. Really. Even to say that you like her hair, shoes, or book. A compliment is not always a reason for women to smile and say thank you. You are a threat, remember? You are Schrödinger’s Rapist. Don’t assume that whatever you have to say will win her over with charm or flattery. Believe what she’s signaling, and back off.
If you speak, and she responds in a monosyllabic way without looking at you, she’s saying, “I don’t want to be rude, but please leave me alone.” You don’t know why. It could be “Please leave me alone because I am trying to memorize Beowulf.” It could be “Please leave me alone because you are a scary, scary man with breath like a water buffalo.” It could be “Please leave me alone because I am planning my assassination of a major geopolitical figure and I will have to kill you if you are able to recognize me and blow my cover.”
On the other hand, if she is turned towards you, making eye contact, and she responds in a friendly and talkative manner when you speak to her, you are getting a green light. You can continue the conversation until you start getting signals to back off.
The fourth point: If you fail to respect what women say, you label yourself a problem.
There’s a man with whom I went out on a single date—afternoon coffee, for one hour by the clock—on July 25th. In the two days after the date, he sent me about fifteen e-mails, scolding me for non-responsiveness. I e-mailed him back, saying, “Look, this is a disproportionate response to a single date. You are making me uncomfortable. Do not contact me again.” It is now October 7th. Does he still e-mail?
Yeah. He does. About every two weeks.
This man scores higher on the threat level scale than Man with the Cockroach Tattoos. (Who, after all, is guilty of nothing more than terrifying bad taste.) You see, Mr. E-mail has made it clear that he ignores what I say when he wants something from me. Now, I don’t know if he is an actual rapist, and I sincerely hope he’s not. But he is certainly Schrödinger’s Rapist, and this particular Schrödinger’s Rapist has a probability ratio greater than one in sixty. Because a man who ignores a woman’s NO in a non-sexual setting is more likely to ignore NO in a sexual setting, as well.
So if you speak to a woman who is otherwise occupied, you’re sending a subtle message. It is that your desire to interact trumps her right to be left alone. If you pursue a conversation when she’s tried to cut it off, you send a message. It is that your desire to speak trumps her right to be left alone. And each of those messages indicates that you believe your desires are a legitimate reason to override her rights.
For women, who are watching you very closely to determine how much of a threat you are, this is an important piece of data.
The fifth and last point: Don’t rape. Nor should you commit these similar but less severe offenses: don’t assault. Don’t grope. Don’t constrain. Don’t brandish. Don’t expose yourself. Don’t threaten with physical violence. Don’t threaten with sexual violence.
Shouldn’t this go without saying? Of course it should. Sadly, that’s not the world I live in. You may be beginning to realize that it’s not the world you live in, either.
Miss LonelyHearts wishes you happiness and success in your search for romantic companionship.
 
This gives wonderful incite to how a lot of women think. I think like this. If strange men approach me in strange environments I always wonder if they're going to hurt me.  I have never experienced what I would call sexual assault or rape or battery, but it still scares me. When I found this article originally, I kept screaming "YES YES YES! THIS! ALL OF THIS!"  I made Kamm read it too. Everyone should read it.

Last nights self-bondage.

by
I'm tired as hell but love self-bondage!!! I had an amazing night and all by myself. lol Everything went more then great with the exception of a cramp in my side I didn't think I was ever going to get rid of.

I went to the hardware store and picked up some chains, master locks and a pole that was suggested and soooooo glad I did. I love the feel of chains against my skin and the pole worked out great for keeping my legs spread. I set the chair on a towl and in front of my back door. We have tile there and I didn't want 2 liters of water going everywhere. I grabbed everything I needed and stripped completely. I was fixing to set down and get ready but had another idea that added a huge amout of excitement for me. I raised the blinds on the backdoor and turned the lights on in the house and left the outside ones off. Don't worry. There is no one to worry about and the dogs wouldn't let anyone in the back if there was. I was completely safe but being light up added a huge thrill even if there was no one to see me. I got extremely wet before I even set down.

The first thing I did was run a chain through the three foot poll and attached my feet on each side of the pole using chain and master locks. I then set down and turned my vibrator on medium and placed it in me. I wrapped a smaller chain around my waist and the chair as tight as I could handle without it hurting. The chair and the chain worked together nicely to hold my vibrator in deep. A very pleasant surprise! The last thing I did before cuffing my hands behind my back and through the chair was tie the string attached to a key that I placed in the bottom of a 2 liter bottle that I kept in our deep freeze for the last couple of days. It worked great and kept me bound almost all night.

I just connected the cuffs when I had what was the first of many orgasms. Setting there starring at the backdoor not being able to see nothing but a reflection of myself was a huge turn on. Even seeing myself setting there bound with my legs spread was in itself a turn on. I kept imagining someone watching me and find the frontdoor that I left unlocked for my friend incase I got stuck. I had orgasm after orgasm. The towel came in more. handy then I thought.

The first couple of hours I loved it. Between the bondage and my vibrator I had more orgasms in the first hour then I've had in weeks. I couldn't catch my breath before another one came along. I lost track and couldn't begin to guess how many I had before it was over.

After a couple of hours I had a HUGE orgasm and my side cramped extremely bad. I spent the next couple of hours fighting the need for an orgasm and the pain in my side. Every orgasm I had just made it worse. I get rid of it and as soon as I had another orgasm it came right back. What's weird is that the pain was terrible but being bound and helpless to stop it was a small but painful turn on. I never thought I would ever say this. But I was so glad when the battery ran down in my vibrator and the orgasms stopped.

I set there for what seemed like forever turned on and helpless to do anything about it. I could barely wiggle my hips and the fear of the cramp kept me still. The fill of the vibrator in me drove me crazy and kept me completely aroused and wet. It was probably one of the most sexually frustrating time of my life.

It was at least four or five hours into it and I still couldn't get the key out of the bottle to free myself. The more worried I got that I would still be stuck when my friend showed up just got me more and more excited. She still doesn't know and I don't want her to. But being helpless to change it is a major turn on. I got problems, don't I? lol Believe it or not I actually passed out setting up in the chair. I have never done that but after the day I had before I guess it was bound to happen.

I woke up a few hours later and was able to finally get the key out of the bottle. I almost really got stuck when I knocked the keys to the other locks off the front of the chair and into the floor. Sad part is I was a little excited about it and almost hoped I wouldn't be able to get out. I had to hop the chair backwards which was not easy. Neither was bending over to reach them while chained to the chair. But I finally got it and made it to bed just in time to get a phone call saying she was on her way. I spent the morning half out of it and having to lie and tell her I had trouble sleeping. But she doesn't know and everything worked out great. 



He sweeps me into his kisses, arms around my waist, and I find myself clinging to him. I love being in his strong arms, without a care in the world. My hero, the man who saved me from myself. My daddy.
Cash’s kisses are soft and lingering, the way I like best. Our tongues intertwine and I savor the moment. Slowly, the kisses begin to get more aggressive, his hands rubbing up and down my body and finding all the places that make me moan. He knows how to make me melt, and how to make me wet with just a few words, a few kisses, a few touches.
He bites my bottom lip before kissing me again and then pushing me on the bed. His bed is high off the ground, perfect for bending me over. That’s exactly what he does, pulling down my panties and smacking me, hard. It makes me yelp, and his hand wraps into my hair.
*Smack* His hand comes down firmly on my ass again.
“Does my pet like it when daddy spanks her?”
I yelp as he spanks me a third time.
“Was that a yes? Do you like being my little slut?”
“Yes, daddy.”
“Say it. What are you?”
*Smack*
“I’m your…”
*Smack*
“…little slut.”
*Smack*
I breathe deeply though the pain. I feel my bottom getting red and crave more. I love my daddy making my ass red, making me admit that I’m his slut. I love him totally controlling me. I love him.
*Smack*
Cash pulls out my pink cuffs and latches one on my left wrist. “On the bed,” he commands.
I scramble up onto the bed and he flips me onto back. He loops the chain of the cuffs through the headboard posts before latching the second onto my right wrist. I’m caught, trapped, totally at his mercy. Every inch of me belonging to him.
He yanks my tank top down, exposing my breasts and making me squirm at his touch. My pink nipples are already hard as he tweaks and twists. Without hesitation, he bends over me and takes one breast in his mouth while still pinching the other nipple, harder and harder until I squeal. He looks up at me with an evil grin on his face.
“You like that, don’t you?”
“Yes, daddy,” I gasp.
“Good girl.”
He reaches between my legs and spread my pussy open, his fingers finding my clit. I’m already wet, but he begins rubbing in the way only he knows how, stroking in soft circles and making me strain against the restrains. I can’t help but moan, and both of us start breathing more heavily. His other hand is undoing his own belt and slipping off his jeans. He pauses only a moment to pull his t-shirt over his head before his hands are between my legs again, rubbing, probing, thrusting in me.
“Mmmmm, daddddddy…”
“Tell me what you want.”
He wants me to beg for it. He wants to hear just how horny I am. His cock is already hard in his free hand, but before he enters me, he wants to hear me say it. And I want to say it. I need to say it.
“I want you to fuck me. Please, daddy. Please fuck me, daddy”
He doesn’t keep me waiting. He’s in me, thrusting, fucking me hard. His cock curves perfectly to my g-spot, so it makes me gasp every time he plunges into me. God I want to cum already. He does this to me, making me reach orgasm so easily. My hips buck against him, my wrists still secure over my head, my breasts bouncing as he fucks me hard.
“Please, daddy, please cum in me, I want your cum. I want to cum. I want you. God. Don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t stop…” I’m babbling, words spilling from my mouth as he fucks me harder and faster.
“You want to cum?” he grunts.
“Yes…daddy…yes…”
“Cum for me.”
I’m cumming hard, throbbing around his cock almost before he gives me permission. And he’s cumming, too, falling against me and kissing me as he cums hard. He reaches up to undo the restraints and I cling to him again, my Cash, my daddy, my dom, the love of my life.
My hero.

fredag den 11. oktober 2013

Morgenput

De fleste morgener er jeg søvnig og vil gerne have lov at vågne langsomt.

Men her den anden morgen ... jeg må have sovet ekstra godt. Da min elskede kom over i min side af dobbeltsengen for at vække mig (han var vågnet lidt før vækkeuret, og kærlig som han er, syntes han at jeg skulle vækkes af et kys - ikke af en støjende clockradio) var jeg hurtigt vågen nok til at vende mod ham og kramme og kysse ham tilbage.

Vi ligger altid lige og morgenkrammer inden vi skal op. Den her morgen gled hans hænder over min krop og den reagerede - mine lår spændtes, og mine hofter skød op mod hans varme hånd. Uhm!

Snart fandt hans hænder ind mellem mine lår, og jeg var med det samme småliderlig. Vendte mig helt om på siden, så vores kroppe lå ind mod hinanden, strøg min hånd ned over hans balder (han har jordens liderligste røv og bliver helt vild når jeg kæler for den) og kneb ham lidt i brystvorterne.
Jeg kunne mærke hans rejsning mod mig, og jeg blev tændt, tændt, tændt!

Uden yderligere dikkedarer skubbede han mig om på ryggen og tog mig - trængte hårdt og rytmisk ind i mig så jeg kom med et frydefuldt gys. Så trak han sig tilbage - "Du kan bare vente dig til i aften," sagde han, og med rejsningen stolt dikkende stod han op og gik ud på badeværelset.

Skidt med at vi havde travlt for at nå på job til tiden den morgen... jeg glædede mig resten af dagen til at komme hjem i seng igen. Og SÅ fik jeg en grundig tur til, og jeg fik betalt ham tilbage for det dejlige morgenput.

Jeg elsker morgensex. Der burde være en regel for, at man gerne måtte komme for sent på job, hvis det var fordi man var uopsætteligt morgenliderlig.

(Duftspor 2010) 

som vinden hvisker over min hud

stille kærtegn
knapt en berøring
faste hænder
kærligt favntag
blødgør alle forbehold
vinden hvisker
spanskrøret danser
stemmen gløder
rytmen fører flydende gennem kroppen
jeg rækker dig min sjæl

Le Eaux Noires (The Black Waters)


When you advance into my night
You are not you, I am other
This other knows not who I am
You know not that I am your own

We walk on a river bank
Upon a narrow towpath
On the edge of a new dyke
On the high steps of a dam

As far as the plain where great trees
Are reflected in the black waters
As far as the meads where marble gleams
In silence and despair

And I cry without a cry without a word
For night has reclaimed you
The floods have cut the paths
Ah, might I be carried off in the flotsam

O

Jeg trenger flere ord til å beskrive en ordentlig kvinne enn det finnes stjerner på himmelen.
Hun er dypere enn et sort hull, og varmere enn solen.
Hun har lidenskap som et buldrende hav i orkan, med tålmodighet og standhaftighet som tiden selv.
Smidig som et ekkorn, og vakker som skjæra, der den skinner i all sin prakt i vintersola.
God som moder jord i sin generøsitet, og intelligent som skapelsen.
Hederlig, ærlig og rettskaffet som mannen med ljåen.
Og ikke minst, mild som sønnavinden en tidlig vårdag da du trenger den som mest.

aaske
Kære Else
Jeg lovede Dig jo at skrive om mine Oplevelser under mit Besøg hos Anna og Alfred. Jeg maa sige, at mine Oplevelser af de to Dage jeg har været her, er saa gode at jeg maa skrive dem til Dig, navnlig da disse falder nøje sammen med begge vores Mening om Erotik og naar jeg betror dig disse Oplevelser er det med Tanken paa, at du ikke bliver jaloux, for du ved jo, at selv om vi to har vore smaa Hemmeligheder sammen var vi jo enige om, at vi begge hver for sig skulde have sin Frihed saa vi kunde nyde de forskellige Oplevelser, der faldt paa vores Vej. Og du ved jo, at jeg naar jeg kommer hjem, stadig er din lille Nuttegris og ogsaa vil være lige saa glad for dine Kærtegn som før. Jeg kom jo i Forgaars Aftes og i Gaar Morges gik Alfred Kl 7 paa Arbejde. Anna kom da ind til mig og foreslog at vi skulde drikke Kaffe inde i hendes Seng. Du ved jo, at jeg kender Anna fra Kontoret hvor jeg var sammen med hende i et helt Aar, men i den Tid har vi aldrig diskuteret Erotik. Saa lige da hun sagde det, tænkte jeg, mon der skulde være noget under hendes Forslag.

Da vi kom ind til Anna, havde hun lavet en Kaffebakke i Stand og vi satte os i hendes Seng og drak dejlig Kaffe med hjemmebagt Brød og bagefter laa vi og røg en Cigaret i hendes Seng medens vi snakkede om løst og fast. Da vi havde røget Cigaretten, spurgte Anna om vi skulde sove et lille Blund og vi puttede os ned under den samme Dyne. Du kan nok forstaa, at min Tanke kredsede om dette, om der virkelig skulde være en Mulighed for en erotisk Oplevelse med Anna, for sød er hun kan du tro. Da vi lagde os ned, sagde Anna, læg dig i min Arm, saa ligger vi bedre og vi laa saa tæt mod hinanden og pludrede saadan som Kvinder kan det og laa og smaagrinede af forskellige Ting. Annas anden Arm laa omkring mig og jeg syntes jeg kunde mærke, at hun trykkede mig en Gang imellem, saa jeg skal ikke nægte, at mine Sanser var spændte paa hvad der vilde ske. Pludselig sagde Anna, giv mig et Kys, Inger, du er saa sød. Og da jeg kyssede hende kunde jeg mærke, at hun trykkede sig tæt op ad mig.

Lidt efter kyssede Anna mig igen og nu kunde jeg mærke hendes Tunge mellem mine Læber medens hendes højre Haand kælede for mig. Nu var jeg klar over, at Anna vilde noget med mig og jeg skal ikke nægte, at jeg dirrede af Forventning. Du kan nok forstaa, at jeg besvarede hendes Kys og næste Gang vi kyssede, stak jeg min rigtig ind mellem hendes Læber og begyndte at kysse rigtig lidenskabeligt og straks mærkede jeg, at Anna besvarede det og trykkede mig op til sig medens hendes højre Haand mere og mere kælede for mig, for mine Ben, for min lille, dejlige Røv og tilsidst endte hendes Haand oppe paa mit Bryst og kælede saadan for mig, saa jeg rystede af Lidenskab. Nu begyndte jeg ogsaa med min frie Haand at kæle for Anna og vi laa begge med lukkede Øjne, trykkede tæt op til hinanden og mærkede denne vidunderlige Følelse af at svæve helt i Luften af bare Lidenskab.

Pludselig rejste Anna sig op i Sengen og tog sin Natkjole af og sagde jeg skulde gøre ligesaadan og et Øjeblik efter var vi begge nøgne og da vi puttede os ned under Dynen skete det i en stor, dejlig øm Omfavnelse og Anna lagde sig hen over mig, kyssede mine Øjne, mine Kinder, min Mund min Hals medens jeg vred mig og stønnede af Lidenskab. Tilsidst endte hendes Mund paa mit ene Bryst og, Else, jeg kan næsten ikke taale at skrive om det, men hun sugede sig fast til mit Bryst, sugede og sugede min Brystvorte, medens jeg nu stønnede højt af Liderlighed.

Medens hun kyssede mig kælede hendes Haand for min Krop allevegne, ustandselig op og ned og pludselig aabnede Anna med sin ene Haand mit Skød og jeg mærkede hendes Haand mellem mine Ben paa det vidunderlige Sted. Vi sugede os fast til hinandens Munde og jeg kunde mærke Annas Fingre lege med min Kærligheds Grotte, aah Else, det var vidunderligt, jeg kunde mærke hendes Fingre helt oppe i mig og jeg kunde mærke dem gaa frem og tilbage, forfra og bagtil, ud og ind, jeg var lige ved at skrige, saa dejligt var det. Nu lagde Anna sig over mig og begyndte at kysse mig over det hele, først paa begge mine Bryster, saa paa min Mave og paa mine Laar og uvilkaarlig aabnede jeg mit Skød og lige paa en Gang gennemrisledes jeg af den højeste Fryd. Jeg mærkede Annas Tunge, jeg mærkede den gaa ud og ind i mig, og op og ned og nu, Else, nu skreg jeg af Fryd og Liderlighed. Anna blev ved at slikke mig saa vidunderligt, saa tilsidst blev jeg bange for at den skulde gaa, og da jeg mærkede, at nu var jeg ved at komme, skreg jeg til Anna: pas paa, nu gaar den, men hun raabte Inger, lad mig faa det altsammen og atter mærkede jeg Annas Tunge og et Øjeblik efter skreg jeg af højeste Fryd da den gik paa mig og Anna sugede mig fuldstændig tør.

Udmattede faldt vi om i hinandens Arme og laa og hvilede os en lille Tid, men saa begyndte Anna at kysse igen og nu var det mig, der gjorde det samme ved Anna, som hun havde gjort ved mig og ikke længe efter hørte jeg Annas Frydeskrig da den gik paa hende og jeg fik al hendes Kærlighedssaft. Aaah, hvor er det dejligt at elske paa den Maade, der er nok de Mennesker, som vil synes at det er forfærdeligt, at man kan være saa lidenskabelig saa man gør saadan noget, men har man en Gang prøvet det, saa synes man kun det er dejligt. Bagefter sov vi i hinandens Arme et Par Timer og lidt senere stod vi op og Resten af Dagen gik uden større Oplevelser. Jeg skal nok skrive igen i Morgen hvis jeg oplever mere.

Mange Hilsner din Inger

(hentet fra Fanny Miranda 1930)

tirsdag den 8. oktober 2013

 Insecurities

Insecurities
The world is ripe with them
Even the confident are riddled
Images of perfection
Swim before our eyes
Do’s and don’t's
Pressed onto us
By society
Every aspect of ourselves
Come with a magnitude
Of doubts
Endless lists
Of how we all should be
Contradictions
Add to the worry
Who likes what?
How should I be
And who with?
The mirror is misted
With words of encouragement
Counter balanced
With criticism
Tit for tat
A long since forgotten rule
They have an image
An unattainable mould
One made of rubber
To be stretched
To their way of thinking
Which differs from day to day
The human soul
Is ravenous
For acceptance
But the hardest place to find that
Is within ourselves
The voices of others
Turns to white noise
It presses in
On all sides
Echoing our own thoughts
We never understand
The fundamental fact
That behind every pair
Of eyes we gaze into
Are the same worries
Same doubts
That hide behind our own
Tear the perfect picture
To pieces
Clear the mirror
Of the mist
Scream the white noise
To silence
And accept your insecurities
Your imperfections
They are what makes you
You
And they are what
Draws people to you
Because they see themselves
In you
20131007-110518.jpg
 
The freak within

 

fredag den 4. oktober 2013

Seksuell fetisjisme:

- En fetisjist er en som ikke takler andre mennesker

Skrevet av:
Sist oppdatert: 04.10.2013

Her er ti myter om fetisjister.

Hvis erfaringsgrunnlaget ditt med fetisjister, mennesker med såkalt «alternative» tenningsmønstre, er heller tynt, har du kanskje adoptert det medieskapte bildet av dem. Dette kan ifølge fetisjistene selv oppsummeres med to ord: Sirkus og freakshow.

Sirkus og freakshow

- Vi sliter med media. Fetisjisme kommer sjelden opp i positive sammenhenger og det blir stort sett et freakshow, sier Victor Erheim som er nestleder i interesseorganisasjonen SMil Norge - Norsk forening for sadomasochister og fetisjister.
- Det er viktig å utfordre de statiske båsene, fordommene og antagelsene mange fremdeles holder på, sier han.
- Dette er altså fordommer støttet av et fagfelt som også er fordomsfullt. La oss legge det bak oss og se alt dette som talenter som ikke skal begraves, men dyrkes, sier Esben Esther Pirelli Benestad som er lege, spesialist i klinisk sexologi og professor i sexologi.

Hva er en fetisj?

- Fetisjer kan man si er noe som ikke er personer, men deler av personer, eller spesielle attributter, spesielle klær, lukter eller handlinger. Det finnes sikkert personer som ikke har en eller flere fetisjer, men de er sjeldne. Det å ha en fetisj – eller flere, må sier å være normalt, i betydningen svært vanlig, sier P. Benestad.
Den anerkjente sexologen driver seksualklinikken MPAT-institutt i Grimstad sammen med ektefellen, psykolog og sexolog Elsa Almås.
- Det flotte med oss mennesker er jo at vi har med oss talenter som gjør at vi kan komme til å tenne på alt fra ballonger til tannregulering, sier P. Benestad.
Hva som måtte komme til å falle ned i disse talentene er helt tilfeldig, men dess vanligere noe er, altså hvor vanlig det er at vi selv kan knytte noe seksuelt til fetisjen, dess vanligere blir den også.
- Undertøy, rumper og gode hender er slike vanlige fetisjer, mens noen altså har det storartet med selskapsballonger, sier legen.

«Penis- eller vaginafetisj»

Erheim, som holder foredrag om BDSM og fetisjisme, minner også gjerne om professor i sexologi Elsa Almås’ budskap, om at man kaller det fotfetisj, men ikke puppe- eller rumpefetisj, men at dette burde man antagelig gjøre.
- Da dukker det også opp et annet spørsmål, og det er og man vel så gjerne kan si at man har en penis- eller vaginafetisj. For hvor går grensen, egentlig?, utfordrer Erheim.
- Grensen har gått der uforstandige «fagfolk» har satt den. Slik jeg ser det har de aller fleste mennesker talent for fetisjisme. Dette fenomenet hører ikke inn verken under helse eller sykdom, det er bare noe som er, sier P. Benestad.
Seksuell fetisj:
Seksuell fetisj defineres som seksuell lyst forbundet med spesifikke objekter eller konsepter, altså noe som tenner mennesket seksuelt. Det finnes mange typer fetisjer. Blir en person opphisset av å gjøre spesielle ting er dette en fetisj. Dette kan omfatte høyhælte sko, rumper og lekkert undertøy.
Kilde: SMil Norge

Riktig eller feil fetisj

Ifølge P. Benestad er det derfor en svært sørgelig tilstand at psykiatrien i mange år hatt fått definere hvilke fetisjer som er feil og hvilke som er riktige.
- Har man en fetisj som er riktig, kalles man ikke fetisjist og man er frisk. Har man en som er feil, ja, da er man syk, sier legen.
Slik var det i alle fall i Norge, inntil Sosial og Helsedirektoratet friskmeldte alle fetisjister i 2010, ved at man fjernet fetisjisme og sadomasochisme fra det norske diagnosesystemet.
- Den alminnelige helsetilstanden i Norge ble massivt mye bedre i det øyeblikket alle vi fetisjister ble erklært friske, sier den anerkjente legen og sexologen.

Fetisj i dagligtale

- Det kan derfor være nyttig å trekke en parallell til hvordan ordet «fetisj» brukes i dagligtalen, som det å ha en lidenskap for noe, eller for flere ting. Det betyr ikke at man kun er denne lidenskapen, men man har noen ting man er opptatt av, sier psykolog og spesialist i klinisk sexologi Anita Skrautvol ved Institutt for klinisk sexologi og terapi (IKST).
For noen handler altså denne lidenskapen om seksualitet og dersom den lidenskapen man har er synlig, for eksempel ved at man kjøper inn ting, må man plutselig forholde seg til den som en fetisj.
- Det er derimot mer akseptert og også umerkbart dersom du har en skikkelig heftig fetisj for pupper, tynne kropper, blondeundertøy eller klær folk bruker hele tiden. Da kan man også skjule fetisjen da, dersom man ønsker det, sier hun.

Fetisjister i forhold

Å ha en lidenskap for noe ekskluderer heller ikke egenskaper som å ta inn en partner og balansere lidenskapen opp mot en partners behov og ønsker.
- Men det med å ta inn både partneren og seg selv, å veksle i fokus der, det er noe alle kan slite med. Noen ganger må man for eksempel bruke den andre litt som et seksualobjekt for å komme i mål selv. Her skjer det veldig mye også i vaniljeforhold som handler om det samme, men som ikke nødvendigvis snakkes om, sier Skrautvol.
Hun forteller at mange fetisjister er lydhøre overfor partneren sin og bruker fetisjen sin som en ressurs, som noe som blir et krydder som kan tilføre mye moro, lek og positivt i forholdet og som tvinger partene til å kommunisere bedre.
- Det er her mange må jobbe litt med sine fordommer og heller se an personen, i møte med en som har et «kink». Hvis personen er varm, tilstede, «og forresten, så tenner jeg på dette», da ligger alt til rette for moro og intimitet, sier Skrautvol.

Fetisjproblem?

Dårligfungerende enkeltindivider finnes derimot i alle grupper, og i den andre enden når man snakker om fetisjister, har man dem som blir så oppslukt av fetisjen sin at det går litt på bekostning av partneren.
- Partnerens behov kommer ikke fram og det kan kjennes som om man bor på hver sin planet, sier Skrautvol.
Når fetisjen oppleves som et problem, handler det ikke først og fremst om fetisjen, men om en person som har et underliggende problem som for eksempel personlighetsforstyrrelser, relasjonsproblemer, tvangslidelser og så videre.
- Også kommer det ut gjennom fetisjen hos den personen, mens det hos en annen kan komme ut ved at man for eksempel blir avhengig av Facebook eller får angst. Det å finne en balanse mellom se og partner og begges lidenskaper, og å sette av tid til hverandre, er altså et ganske universelt tema, og ikke begrenset til dem med uttalte fetisjer. Noen sliter med det av ulike årsaker, andre ikke, sier Skrautvol.

Uheldige oppfatninger om fetisjisme:


1. Man kan se hvem som er fetisjister

- Media gjenspeiler ofte de samme stereotypiene og fordomsfulle holdningene når tenningsmønster som bryter med normer blir vist. Det er for eksempel ikke så ofte heltene har en fotfetisj. Pornografien hjelper også for å knytte fetisjer opp mot konsepter som orgier og promiskuøs livsstil. Metodefeil i psykiatriens begynnelse har ført til at mange assosierer fetisjisme med uheldige egenskaper, en holdning som fremdeles vedvarer. Forsking og erfaringer sier at bortsett fra tenningsmønster, er fetisjister like kvalmende normale som alle andre.

2. Fetisjisme definerer personen

- Det at noen er fetisjist definerer ikke personen, like lite som det at noen er homofil eller frimerkesamler. Fetisjister er, som alle andre, sammensatte mennesker med mange sider, og kan ikke reduseres til bare å være en funksjon av fetisjismen.

3. Fetisjisme er unaturlig

- Variasjoner innen tenningsmønster har lidd under det som lenge var et dominerende syn innen biologien. Synet hvor samleie var det eneste viktige. Et mer moderne og nyansert syn er at seksuell variasjon i naturen er en nødvendig forutsetning for å gjøre arten mer tilpasningsdyktig. Når man observerer mangfoldet av seksualitet hos dyr og insekter er det nærliggende å spørre hvordan majoriteten av arten utviklet seg til det gitte tenningsmønsteret.

4. Fetisjisme som tenningsmønster er statisk

- Det er noen som drar sammenligning mellom smak innen fetisjisme og smak innen mat. Smaken på forskjellige typer mat og vår seksuelle smak kan utvikle seg hele livet. Noen har mer stabil smak og andre varierer oftere. Hvilken matsmak man har og hvor mye man liker en spesiell type smak er i all hovedsak irrelevant for andre. Man respekterer andres personlige matsmak. Ofte blir man med å teste nye ting som noen har en entusiasme for. Kanskje man finner ut noe nytt om seg selv.

5. Fetisjer er noe andre har

- Desto mer brytende med normen et tenningsmønster er, jo mer tydeliggjort blir det. Det er uheldig at mange i hverdagen bruker betegnelsen fotfetisj eller regnklærfetisj, men unnlater ofte å bruke fetisjbetegnelsen når det ellers er snakk om eksempelvis bryster, rumpe, moteklær, hender, kroppsfasonger, smykker, etnisiteter eller yrkesgrupper. Da bruker man ofte betegnelser som "Jeg har en greie for" eller lignende.

6. At man har utviklet en fetisj på grunn av opplevelser i barndommen

- Så vidt man vet finnes ingen god forklaring på hvorfor man har de fetisjene man har. Noen påstår at de husker hendelsen hvor de tilegnet seg den gitte fetisjen, men mange har de samme opplevelsene uten at det blir en fetisj. Det kan for eksempel være første gangen man hadde erfaringen av at det var ekstra spennende. Behovet for en teori finnes siden man ikke ønsker å leve i uvissheten, og dermed tilskriver seg dårlig begrunnede teorier.

7. Fetisjisme kommer av enten bare biologi eller bare kultur

- Fetisj-nettsider har grupper fra hele verden og alt fra kunst til ekteskapsmanualer tilsier at fetisjisme antagelig er både akulturelt og ahistorisk. At det dermed har vært til alle tider og alle steder som tyder på at det har en biologisk komponent. Fetisjene kan variere litt fra kultur til kultur, og objektene kan være dypt forankret i kulturen. At en fascinasjon for kulturelle objekter som latex eller sko skulle være rent biologisk forankret virker også rart.

8. Begrepet fetisj er statisk

- Som de fleste akademiske begreper finnes det mange definisjoner og graderinger på hva fetisjisme er og innebærer. Fetisjisme er dessverre relativt lite forsket på og det er stor sprik i forståelsen av hvor viktig den delen av tenningsmønsteret må være for å kalle det en fetisj. Det finnes også uenigheter om hvor «plagsomt» tenningsmønsteret er for å kalle det en fetisj eller om det er irrelevant.

9. Fetisjister har bare fokus på sin fetisj

- Mange tror at en fetisjist utelukkende er opptatt av det de har en tiltrekking til, og ikke klarer å forholde seg til andre mennesker. Det finnes det ingen kunnskapsmessig grunnlag for å hevde. Fetisjister inngår i normale kjærlighetsforhold, og de aller fleste fetisjister har et rikt seksualliv utenfor fetisj-interessen.

10. Fetisjisme er «unormalt» og derfor negativt

- Man hører til tider sitatet «det finnes trygghet i antall». Om man ser på «unormalt som noe som har med antall å gjøre, vil det være en feilslutning å gå direkte fra det, og til konklusjonen om at det er umoralsk, uønsket eller negativt. Noen av de mest fantastiske egenskapene man kan tenke seg er det veldig få som har, og mange av de egenskapene mange har er veldig negative.
Kilde: SMIl Norge, utviklet for Klikk Helse