Domination for Nice Guys

So you're a nice guy. You think that people should be treated with respect and courtesy; you find violence, particularly violence against women, reprehensible; you would never, under any circumstances, raise your hand in anger against someone you love. And now your partner is asking you to tie her up, or call her names, or spank her, or maybe even "rape" her. All this goes against everything you believe. What do you do?
For starters, it's not what you think.

The first thing to do is to understand, deep down inside, that it's possible to do these things and still be a good person. While some of these things may superficially resemble abuse, there's an important difference; unlike an abuser, you are doing these things because you both enjoy them, and you're doing them in a way that is safe, consensual, and respectful of her limits and desires.
One way to think about it is that you're playing a role. A person who plays a villain on TV is not actually a villain; and if you and your partner play out roles for your mutual enjoyment, it doesn't mean you're being abusive. You and your partner can play out roles in which you are harsh and demanding and she is your sex slave, and this does not mean that you actually believe women should be subordinate to men.

But I was always taught to treat women with respect!

There is nothing wrong or disrespectful about treating people the way they want to be treated.
Even if the way they want to be treated is not what you're accustomed to.
Not everyone has the same desires, wants, or needs. Treating your partner with respect means treating your partner the way she wants to be treated--even if that means she wants you to treat her like a dirty little minx sometimes. Seriously--if your partner is approaching you with the idea of exploring BDSM, then most likely, there is some part of her which responds very strongly to filling that role.
There is not one "right" way to behave that applies to all people all the time. If something adds pleasure to your life and to your partner's life, then it's not a bad thing, even if it is unconventional. And there's certainly no crime in taking pleasure from bringing your partner pleasure!
There is no rule which says that nice guys can't be adventurous. No law says that nice guys never fuck their girlfriends in the ass or tell their girlfriends to strip and masturbate in front of them. It's about learning what you like, learning what she likes, and creating a scene that brings you both pleasure; being a nice guy means being willing to explore avenues that bring joy to your partner's life!

What kind of guy enjoys doing these things?

The kind of guy who enjoys exploring with his partner and pleasing his partner, of course!
More than that, though; by exploring your fantasies and your partner's fantasies, you create a deep intimacy that's hard to beat. This kind of exploration, and sharing of fantasies and sexual feelings, helps form a bond of intimacy and trust that's at once more romantic and more passionate than you may believe.
And the pleasure to be gained simply from seeing your partner eager to service you and submit to your desires shouldn't be discounted, either...
To do this, though, you may need to unlearn some things about what "nice guys" do and feel. "Nice guy syndrome" can sometimes prevent you from being able to really focus on your partner, and see what she wants; you may see social proconceptions of who "women are" or what "women want" instead. Women are individuals; focus on what the woman you're with wants rather than what "women want."
In extreme cases, "nice guy syndrome" can make you feel uncomfortable seeing your partner as a sexual being at all. But human beings are sexual beings, and it's hard to imagine anyone who doesn't want to be seen as sexually attractive by her mate; seeing your partner in a sexual light is not only healthy, it's an important part of any sexual relationship!

I don't even know where to begin with this stuff...

As with most things, you begin simply. Sex in general and BDSM in particular are learned skills; like all learned skills, you learn by doing. Start slow, learn what you and your partner like and don't like, and elaborate on the things you learn as you go along.
The best way to get started exploring BDSM is by talking to your partner. Discuss your fantasies and her fantasies; don't worry about whether or not those fantasies are things you would really explore or not, or even if they're things that are plausible or feasible. You're just talking about the things that turn you on, no matter how outlandish or how kinky they may be. Don't be timid, embarrassed, or ashamed, even of fantasies that seem extreme or frightening; these are fantasies, after all, not reality. Even extreme fantasies that you would never consider doing in real life can provide ideas or suggestions about places to explore, or things that turn you on!
Let's say, for example, that your partner has fantasies about being tied up and molested. You can start to explore by trying some light bondage or restraint; no need to go all-out, just start by holding her down or tying her arms with ordinary rope. If things go well, you may discover that you want to go farther next time, or you may come up with new ideas to try. And who knows? You may just find that it really turns you on...
At this point, it's probably worthwhile to discuss a few general guidelines as you start exploring this stuff. Some things to remember:
- Don't feel that you have to try everything all at once. Don't do too much, too fast. You have plenty of time! You're exploring what turns you on, what turns your partner on, and what you can create together; it's far better to end a scene thinking you could have gone farther than ending a scene thinking you've gone too far!
- Talk to your partner after you're done, espeically when you've tried something new. Spend some time talking about how you felt, how she felt, what turned you on, and what things you might want to explore later. Remember, whenever you try anything new, you will sometimes find things that you or your partner respond to in ways you didn't expect. You may even find that something you thought you'd like, or something she thought she'd like, triggers a negative reaction that you didn't anticipate. There's nothing wrong with that; you're exploring. By definition, when you explore, you don't always know what you'll find! If you discover something that you don't like, or that didn't go the way you expected, it's okay; you've learned from it, and now you have greater knowledge about how to please yourself and your partner.
- There's nothing wrong with taking pleasure from dominating your partner. If you find that you respond to taking charge in the bedroom, and your partner responds to being dominated, great! You're both happy; enjoy yourselves! Besides, it's much more fun to submit to a person who enjoys being dominant. It works both ways; you can take pleasure from pleasing your partner, and she can take pleasure from pleasing you.
- The greatest asset you have is a sense of self-confidence. It doesn't matter if you don't think you know what you're doing, or if things don't always go the way you wanted them to; it doesn't matter if you're uncertain about something you're trying. All this is normal. What does matter is that you project an air of confidence and control; just this alone can get you through a number of problems. You forget something? Something not working right? Smile and keep going anyway; chances are, she'll never even notice. Remember, you're playing a role; project confidence even if you don't feel it, and you'll do okay.
- Keep your eyes open and your common sense sharp. The best single safety tool you have is your common sense. Watch for problems; don't leave someone tied up unattended, don't try devices or gadgets on your partner if you don't have a sense of how they feel yourself.

But she wants me to spank her! I don't want to hurt her!

Ah, that's a bit tricky. Things are not always what they seem; there's a big difference between erotic pain and ordinary, garden-variety pain. The experience of pain in an erotic context, for someone who's wired that way, is nothing like what you may imagine; it's an incredible rush, that adds a powerful spice to sexual pleasure. Think of it like spice in chili; you might not like taking a bite out of a hot pepper, but in the right amount, it makes the chili a whole lot better...
Even things that look extreme, such as flogging or whipping, can be deceptive. These things don't feel like you imagine they do, and in the right environment with the right warmup, they're wonderful. And once your partner's endorphins, the natural painkilling chemicals produced in the brain, get going, it's the most intense, delightful high you can ever believe.
Of course, pain play is something you want to explore slowly. You don't jump right into it; it takes time and practice to learn where your partner's limits are, and how your partner responds to things like spanking. But don't be so afraid of anything that looks painful--your partner is less fragile than you might think, and in the right setting, pain is both a powerful aphrodesiac and a tremendously pleasureable high. Pay attention, go slow, and you're not going to hurt her. As with many aspects of BDSM, pain is not always what it seems...
If you are worried about hurting your partner for real in a not-fun kind of way, it's easy with a little practice to calm that fear. It's really just question of paying close attention to your partner, noticing the way that she responds, and keeping communication open. When you start out, ask for feedback. Pay attention to what you're doing, and pay attention to how she responds. As you get to know what your partner likes, you'll find that you learn to gauge what you're doing and you learn how much is too much, and how much is "just right."
You can get a bit of my own perspective on pain play, if you'd like, here.

She wants me to boss her around! Men aren't supposed to do that to women.

Men aren't supposed to do that to women non-consensually. Men aren't supposed to assume that they can automatically tell women what to do and expect women to hop to it; that's chauvanistic.
It's not the same, though, when your partner wants you to tell her what to do. In the context of a mutual D/s relationship, it's not chauvanism; it's something you both do because it's fun and enjoyable for both of you.
Sometimes, it's a lot of fun to have your partner say "Okay, I want you to strip and lie down with your legs spread," or whatever. It's fun to surrender to your partner and let your partner call the shots, as long as you both understand that you're doing it because it's a fun way to mix things up in the bedroom rather than because it's something that all women should always do for all men. Remember, if you were to start bossing around every woman you meet, that would be disrespectful; not all women want to be bossed around, after all. But if your partner wants you to boss her around because it's fun, then thre's nothing disrespectful about it; respect is in asking people what they want, and then doing the things that bring them pleasure and bring you closer together.
Whenever you let ideas about what men are "supposed" to do, you run into trouble. The problem with thinking that men are "supposed" to not be in control is the same as the problem with thinking that men are "supposed" to always be in control--it ignores that different women have different tastes and different desires. If there's anything that men and women are truly "supposed" to do, I think it's this: Men and women are supposed to recognize that not everyone is the same, and work together to recognize those differences and make sure that everyone has an opportunity to be happy.

What if she wants me to call her names and humiliate her? That's not respectful!

Humiliation play, like pain play, is another of those things that's not what it looks like from the outside. In a sense, it's the emotional equivalent of pain play; and like pain play, it's all about context. In the right setting, under the right circumstance, with the right person, it can for some people be an intense, white-hot turn-on; and as with much of BDSM play, it's helpful to think about it as playing a role.
Remember, this is something you do because it's something your partner wants. You can, during a BDSM scene, call your partner a dirty, filthy whore, and it doesn't mean that's really how you see her; you're in a role, and you're doing it because it's a turn-on. Outside of that role, you may think your lover is the most exquisite woman ever to walk the face of the earth; the things you do during a scene are not the whole of how you see her in your ordinary, day-to-day life!
And there's nothing wrong with enjoying erotic humiliation, if your partner enjoys it. It doesn't make you a bad person; it doesn't mean you want to degrade women; it means you take pleasure in creating an environment that's arousing and exciting.
This kind of play may seem silly, or awkward, or both, when you first start experimenting with it. You may find it's difficult to say and do things which humiliate your partner, and it might feel forced or contrived. That's a normal part of playing any unfamiliar role. This sort of play, like any skill, becomes easier and more natural with practice.
Don't worry about it becoming something that changes the way you think about women in the real world; like pain play, humiliation play is contextual both for your partner and for you. It's not going to suddenly make you into an insensitive clod. The difference in mindset between exploring humiliation play with a lover and actually believing that women deserve to be degraded is as great as the difference between playing a hit man in a movie and actually being a hit man.

But I still don't know what to do!

The best way to begin is to talk to your partner, and ask her what she might like to try. Here are some ideas to start with:
- If you want to explore bondage, the easiest way to do this is with plain old cotton or nylon rope. Nylon stockings and silk scarves can cause problems, because they tend to bunch and be difficult to untie. You can tie your partner to the bed, to a chair, or simply bind her hands behind her back. Once you have her bound, you can go in a number of different directions. For example, you can kneel over her and tell her to service you with her mouth, or you can penetrate her and have sex with her. Or, you might try sensation play, running your hands or ice cubes or soft cloth or things like that over her body. Blindfolding her can make these sensations more intense. You can add a little bit of light pain play to the mix by pinching, pulling, or twisting her nipples, running your fingernails over her skin, and thinngs like that. Biting her, teasing her with tongue or fingers, and that sort of thing can be a lot of fun too.
- For introductory pain play, spanking, pinching, and biting can be good ways to begin. You might bend her over your lap, or--for a bit more fun--tie her down bent over the bed. You can combine this with roleplaying if you like; perhaps she's a naughty student and you're the disciplining teacher, for example. You can spank her with your hands, a paddle, or even a wooden spoon. Start with light, rapid strokes, and gradually increase the force until you find her limit. Remember, if you start light and build up gradually, you can get those endorphins going, which is exciting and intoxicating!
- Humiliation play can be verbal, or can involve things you do to her, or things you order her to do, or some combination of all three. For example, you can order her to kneel in front of you and give you oral sex while you tell her she's a filthy slut, or you can order her to call herself a slut or beg for sex while you tease her with your fingers and tongue, or you can kneel over her as she lies on her back and tell her to stroke you in her hands until you ejaculate over her body.
- Give her instructions to do things that excite or arouse you. For example, if you enjoy watching her masturbate (and who doesn't?), tell her to touch herself while you watch. You can be as detailed as you want, instructing her how and where to touch herself, and how hard, and how fast, and in what way; you may even enjoy instructing her to moan and sigh as she does. Or, take a different approach. Take her out to dinner, but give her detailed instructions about what she is to wear. Have her wear something that makes her easily accessible--a skirt with no panties, for example. Throughout dinner, keep her aroused by dropping hints about how you can't wait to get her home, and how she's so sexy that you're planning to have your way with her; then, when you get home, bend her over, hoist up her skirt, and take her!
- Surprise her. Mix things up. If you're exploring dominance and submission, try calling her at work one day and telling her to remove her panties, or go into the restroom and touch herself. Or, send her a text message on her phone telling her that you have plans for her and you're going to tie her up when she gets home. If she's at home when you're at work, send her an email with a list of things to do to arouse herself so that she's in the proper state of mind when you get home. If you've been talking about trying something new, create a scene where you're doing something you've done before, then add it in! Or, buy a new toy without telling her, and introduce it into your scene.
- If you run out of ideas, try doing things you've done before, but in a new way or with a new element, or combined with other things you've done. If you enjoy watching her masturbate, try adding a blindfold and telling her to touch herself. Or, make her touch herself as she watches herself in a mirror. Or make her describe how she feels out loud as she masturbates. If you enjoy having her give you oral sex, try tying her hands behind her back and then having her kneel in front of you. The possibilities for combining even simple, basic ideas in novel ways are endless; by doing this, you can keep things new and exciting all the time.

Remember: You're doing this to have fun, to share yourself and your fantasies with your partner, to make your sexual lives more exciting and dynamic, and to increase your pleasure and your partner's pleasure. There's no right or wrong way to do it. Have fun! Experiment! Be creative! And above all, enjoy yourselves!

Wed Mar 27, 2013 xeromag

The Party Next Door

 By Rori, September 9, 2007

Ow.
Red wine and I don’t mix well. I mean, we do at the time, but the next day is always a killer. Looking at a computer screen right now is death, but I just had to tell you all what happened last night. It seems like so long ago already.
After hours of trying on different outfits (curtains closed), I finally settled on a classic – the little black dress. I slipped on my most basic black thong, fingers lingering on my things as I imagines the girl next door getting ready too. What would she be wearing underneath what I’m sure would be a stunning ensemble?
At 8:30, I could see guests beginning to arrive. Her bedroom curtains were firmly closed, the first time they had been that way in weeks. Not that it mattered. She would be in the foyer greeting guests, and he would be in the kitchen making cocktails. I better go get one, right?
The night was a whirlwind of meeting new, strange people, each couple more beautiful than the last. J* opened a bottle of red wine and filled my glass, mentioning that he had often meant to knock on my door to say hello, but had never had an occasion. I smiled. I nodded. I thought about the way his lips would feel against mine. He introduced me to his brother, who was fresh out of college and a few inches taller than even J*, who was a lean 6′3 at least.
And then the alcohol began to kick in. I sighed at the long line of people waiting and decided, due to the four or five drinks already filling my bladder, to sneak into the master suite. J* was still in the kitchen, and she was firmly planted on the patio, laughing gaily with a bunch of guest, mainly men. They’d never notice.
The master bedroom was still, dark, and empty. It was strange being on the inside after looking into it for so long. I set down my wineglass on the vanity and quietly creeped into master bathroom. It was elegant shade of white, beige, and tan, with little angel-shaped soaps and fluffy burgundy towels.
As I was washing my hands, the door flung open.
“Oh my god. Sorry!” It slammed shut again before I could see who it was and I stood poised at the sink, a deer in headlights, caught using the god and goddess’ personal toilet.
I opened the door again. It was J*’s brother. He was fabulously drunk and peeing in the garbage can. I cleared my throat and he looked over at me, surprised, as though he had already forgotten that I had been in the bathroom. He zipped up his pants and turned toward me.
“What are you doing peeing in that bathroom?” he said, playfully.
“What are you doing peeing in that garbage can?” I asked back, my hand on the doorknob.
And then he kissed me. Just like that. He was drunk, I was drunk, and he kissed me long and hard, his tongue tasting mine. His large hands ran down my body, settling on my hips and pulling me closer to him. I couldn’t even remember his name. and the smell of run ran heavy on his breath.
In a moment we were on the bed. He reached up my little black dress and I felt his hands traveling up my thighs, wanting…needing. Alcohol makes you *need* so badly, and he had drunk his share tonight. I pulled his shirt over his head, revealing the perfect, tanned six-pack that you can only get after many hot, sweaty hours in the gym and in the bedroom. I had drunk my share too.
Soon, our clothes lay crumbled on the floor. His mouth traveled down my neck and to my hard nipples, where he teased them with his wet tongue. I arched my back, moaning, and he reached down to spread my legs apart before using both hands to pin me to the bed.
“Are you a naughty girl?” he whispered into my ear, sucking on my earlobe.
Yes, yes, yes, I was a naughty girl. I knew that I disparately wanted him, this young, ripped in-law of the goddess herself. What I didn’t know is that the bedroom door was standing open…
 
Isn’t funny how easily a few glasses of wine can make you lose all inhibitions?
So let’s rewind and review a bit: there I was, at the party next door, on the girl next door’s bed, naked and pinned down by the brother of the guy next door. There’s one thing I knew, and that was that the brother was packing – I could already feel his swelling penis beneath his boxer-briefs. There’s one thing I didn’t know, and that was that the bedroom door wasn’t fully shut.
J*’s brother was a hunk. Not the kind of guy you could have an intellectual conversation with, but a real hunk. If I had any close girl friends, you bet I’d be calling them to brag. He’s that kind of guy- the shaggy hair falling into his deep, dark eyes, the tanned six pack, the large, soft hands already fumbling to unlatch my bra. His lips were full and kissing me all over as though he couldn’t get enough of the taste of the skin. As I lay back down on the bed, my nipples standing at attention to his wet tongue, I thought about all I had hoped for this party. The night was turning out so much better that I could have dreamed.
He had me pinned to the bed and was using the tip of his tongue to play with my nipples, enjoying watching me squirm. He released my arms, but I didn’t struggle to get away. I knew where he was going. In a moment, it was my legs he was pinning as he buried his tongue deep inside of me, stopping only to suck on my clit, which made me arch me back and gasp. I pulled on his hair, savoring every moment and knowing that my juices were flowing over his face, faster than he could lap them up.
Suddenly, he groaned, not able to wait any longer. I was like a toy in his strong grasp, as he flipped my onto all fours and yanked his underwear to the floor. In a moment he was in me and we were swaying in motion. It wasn’t making love or even having sex. No, this was a good, hard fuck.
And I’m not sure how long we would have gone like that. God knows I was already close to coming (although, granted, I had a head start). His powerful thrusts and moans told me that he would be ready soon too. And then, my eyes closed and my ass in the air, I heard it.
“dodo do do dodo do do dodo do do do…”
You know that tune I mean. The generic cell phone ring. Not mine. And, as I found out, not his either. I opened my eyes and looked in the direction of the sound to see about seven or eight people crowded around the open bedroom door, watching us.
“For God’s Sake, Don’t stop!” she said. The girl next door was holding up her camera phone, in what I’m guess was video recording mode.
J*’s brother was grinning sheepishly at the camera. He didn’t care. So, I had a decision to make Either scramble to grab my clothes and run to the bathroom or continue doing what I came here to do, in plain site of the party. My mind whirled, the tip of his hard, thick cock still deep inside of me while everyone waited to see what we would do next.
And in a split second I decided. I leaned back onto his penis, taking him inside balls deep and gasping. To some cheers and clapping, we continued to fuck, him railing me harder and harder with each thrust, building the most intense orgasms I had ever experienced. He grabbed my hips, fucking me fast and I couldn’t control my screaming as I came all over his throbbing cock. He came a minute later as I wrapped my lips around him. I swallowed every drop, looking into the camera as i gripped his ass to pull him close.
It was one of the best decisions I have ever made in my entire life. My little performance may not have won an Emmy, but I have been invited back for another small “get together” tomorrow night. And I can’t wait.

Prostitution Politics and Feminist Activism in Modern America- Sophonisba Breckinridge and the Morals Court in Prohibition-Era Chicago

—Sex Work Research

For researchers, students, activists and anyone interested in research on sex work and related topics, including human trafficking

By Sonia Dolinsek

September 14, 2013

 

Prostitution Politics and Feminist Activism in Modern America- Sophonisba Breckinridge and the Morals Court in Prohibition-Era Chicago

Jabour, Anya (2013): Prostitution Politics and Feminist Activism in Modern America- Sophonisba Breckinridge and the Morals Court in Prohibition-Era Chicago, Journal of Women’s History, Volume 25, Number 3, Fall 2013, pp. 141-164.
In 1930, Sophonisba Breckinridge, a feminist social work professor at the University of Chicago, initiated a campaign to reform the branch of Chicago’s Municipal Court system that dealt with prostitutes. A product of an international anti-prostitution movement, the Morals Court was considered a model reform at the time of its inception in 1913. Yet as scholars have observed, reformers’ efforts to abolish prostitution resulted in repressive policies that sanctioned state control and police harassment of sex workers. Although most studies note feminist critiques of prostitution policies on civil libertarian grounds, few have explored this phenomenon, particularly after 1920. Breckinridge’s crusade to secure civil rights for accused prostitutes in Prohibition-era Chicago offers a new perspective on the politics of prostitution, prompts a reexamination of American feminism after the achievement of suffrage, and sheds light on current debates about the international traffic in women.
Excerpt:
“Chicago’s Morals Court was the product of a major reform movement in early twentieth-century America in which a coalition of evangelicals, feminists, business leaders, and medical experts demanded immediate and unrelenting repression of prostitution. Nationwide, city-appointed vice commissions prompted raids on brothels and advocated new laws suppressing commercialized sex. At the federal level, the Mann Act of 1910 prohibited the international or interstate transportation of women for immoral purposes.¹⁴
The anti-prostitution movement was international in scope. Beginning in the 1870s, feminists, moralists, and civil libertarians on both sides of the Atlantic attacked the so-called “European plan” of regulated brothels and medical inspection of prostitutes. Decrying the sexual double standard, governmental sanction for commercialized sex, misguided public health policy, corruption in law enforcement, and infringements on women’s constitutional rights, self-styled “abolitionists” in Europe, Latin America, and the United States sought to abolish or prevent state-sponsored prostitution and eradicate both domestic prostitution and the international sex trade. Cooperation among denominational, national, and international groups resulted in international treaties to suppress sex trafficking in 1904 and 1910.¹

sane(ish)



I turn the music up, I got my records on
I shut the world outside until the lights come on
Maybe the streets alight, maybe the trees are gone
But I feel my heart start beating to my favorite song

 

Being Open About Being Open

 

Being Open About Being Open

This past weekend, Gin and I had the great experience of joining the rest of the podcasters from Life on the Swingset in San Francisco. We've always had a great time when we traveled to San Francisco...and this past weekend didn't disappoint.

The highlight for me was watching the Swingset crew do their first ever live podcast. It also happened to be the first time that they were all in the same room, having recorded scores of episodes virtually in the past. The chemistry didn't disappoint and they led a lively discussion about "progressive swinging" among an audience that largely identified as polyamorous. 

Ginger is such a rock star. I feel great compersion when she shares this with others as freely as it flows, without hesitation. She is happiest when serving others--emotionally in this case, but yes, sexually too. In the course of the discussion, Ginger challenged us to be true to who we are and to represent this freely to others. An audience member commented that a woman wearing a harness and sporting a dildo is not a common sight at a swinger party. To which Ginger replied, "Fuck them. Put your harness on and be proud. I do." 

In fact, she does. 

Tristan Taormino was in the audience and supported the importance of "progressive swinging" to improve the rights and protections that we share with all non-monogamous people. She also noted that the research shows many more swingers identify as being conservative in their politics. Again, Gin made a great point that she takes every opportunity she can to open the minds of our conservative friends--that we should engage them in the shared worldview of sexuality and find the "teaching moments" to challenge their politics in other areas. 

In fact, she does this often too. 

She does all of this and yet, she cannot be completely open about who she is. This kills her. Though in true Ginger fashion, no one would ever know it. The reality is that she does it to protect me. Like many, the risks of coming out are simply too great for our situation. It literally brought Ginger to tears during the OpenSF presentation.

Someday, baby. I promise.

101 “IDEAS” to make Your slave feel Owned (i.e. loved)

 

by slave nina

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One of the main factors for subs or slaves in feeling truly Owned, is to be constantly reminded throughout the day of their Master’s control. These reminders can be subtle or really obtrusive. The more often a slave is reminded of her submission, the deeper it becomes….and the more fulfilling. So here are some ideas You might want to try… And no matter what rules You decide to make Your own, please….be consistent. If You are unwilling to take the time to enforce the rules You make, then there may as well be no rules at all. There is nothing in the world that will make a slave feel less loved than to have a Master/Mistress who ignores her transgressions and does not exert Their Dominance.
1. Have her wear slave bells. The constant soft jingling of the bells is soothing and a certain reminder of her submission.
2. When she has broken a rule, talk to her as You punish….and make her speak in detail about why what she did was wrong.
3. Make her take her shoes off every day as soon as she enters Your house.
4. A beautiful, special collar will make any slave joyous. Take the time to select the right one, and have her wear it as often as possible.
5. Have her call You each day at a specified time, no excuses.
6. Give her anklets and tell her she must wear one of them every day, no excuses.
7. Whenever possible (i.e. no curious young-uns about), have her kneel before You and ask to accompany You upon the furniture.
8. Choose her hairstyle and go with her to get it cut to Your specifications.
9. Whenever possible (i.e. no curious young-uns about), have her display herself whenever You come into the room…..legs spread, shirt unbuttoned. No matter what position You take, she is to be sure Your view is unobstructed
10. When around the kids or vanilla friends/family, make sure she has an alternative title for You besides Master…..such as “my Love” etc.
11. Use her sexually in a rough, selfish way when You feel like it….interrupting whatever she was doing.
12. Chose a food that she dislikes and have her eat a small portion every day for a week.
13. Have her crawl to bed each night.
14. Bring her a stuffed animal each time You go out of town.
15. Choose her clothing each day.
16. Have her get Your daily wardrobe ready for You the night before….laid out, ironed etc.
17. After punishment, have her kiss Your boots and thank You for loving her enough to correct her.
18. Have her bring a warm towel and wash and massage Your feet each day after work.
19. Get her tattooed (Your choice of art and location).
20. Get her pierced (or preferably if You are trained, do it Yourself).
21. Get her branded.
22. Respect, but push her limits.
23. Ask her each night what she did that day that You would not have approved of. grin This gets her in the habit of being completely honest, and also makes her conscious of the things she could do better each day.
24. Teach her exactly how You want her to kneel, and demand perfection.
25. Reward her by allowing her to please You sexually.
26. Supervise her workout routine.
27. Each night she is to kneel next to the bed asking permission to sleep with her Master, and each night she does, she is to kneel by the bed in the morning and thank her Master for the privilege.
28. Have her polish Your boots weekly, on her knees at Your feet.
29. Negotiate until you are both comfortable with the terms and then sign a contract.
30. Giver her a writing assignment: “The definition of Pain – 1000 words”
31. Have her keep a diary of her journey into submission.
32. Instruct her that she may never get herself something to eat or drink in Your presence without first asking You if You want something.
33. Some evenings, keep her on a leash and take her with You no matter what You do….even if You do not speak to her or include her in Your activities.
34. When appropriate, she is to speak when spoken to.
35. Reward her by giving her delicious pleasure.
36. On occasion, share her.
37. When it suits You, instruct her not to make eye contact with You without Your command.
38. Have her keep her body clean shaven at all times.
39. Conduct random inspections of her body to make sure she keeps herself to Your specifications.
40. Make her wear a butt-plug under her clothes whenever she goes out alone.
41. For transgressions: have her write Your name on the bottom of her foot and tell her to remember she is walking on You with each step. (This is harder to do that You might think….)
42. Master the art of the meaningful piercing stare…..
43. Give her reading assignments.
44. Test her on the reading assignments, to make sure she learned the appropriate lessons from each.
45. Instruct her to keep her toenails painted perfectly everyday, and check to see that they are before bed
46. Make it her responsibility to put the toys away after play and punishment, and to keep them clean and neat.
47. Reward her by letting her name her favorite scene, toys, etc.
48. Call her Your slut, Your pet, etc.
49. Have her make a list of the 10 things that make her the most self-conscious, uncomfortable or embarrassed.
50. Work with her, having her do the things on the list (if possible), so that she conquers those fears and hesitations.
51. Sometimes, pamper her…..wash her body and hair, having her remain perfectly still as You turn her and move her about.
52. Hand feed her like a small child on occasion.
53. Have her eat from a dog bowl on occasion.
54. For transgressions: make her wear a sign to the next public function naming her crime. (ouch)
55. Praise her dedication when she has pleased You well.
56. Instruct her that she is never to touch Your body without permission.
57. Have her write a meditation about her submission, devotion and trust in You….to be said aloud each night before falling asleep.
58. Some days allow her no clothing whatsoever (when practical).
59. For transgressions: deny her play. No pain for you, bad girl….hehehe.
60. In the same ilk, For transgressions: deny her orgasm…..give her sex, but she can’t cum.
61. For transgressions: Command that she is to be silent for a week. She may not speak, and will take whatever pain or pleasure You give as silently as possible.
62. Treat her like a pet in front of friends, making her present herself, turn herself, etc.
63. Giver her a writing assignment: “The definition of Obedience – 1000 words”
64. Have her wear a toe ring.
65. Tell her one morning that she must cum for You 15 times that day, and then write about the day.
66. Have her wear nipple clamps under her clothing out to dinner.
67. On Your birthday, let her receive Your spankings.
68. Spend time training her how to move gracefully to please You.
69. For transgressions: stand her in the corner like a 3 year old.
70. Always flog her after completion of a task, even if it was satisfactory. A well flogged slave is a happy slave.
71. Speak about her as if she were not present.
72. For transgressions: deny her any D/s at all for a week…..letting her do just as she pleases, not allowing her to serve You in any way, no punishment, no instruction, no play, banning titles of respect, etc. This will shame her and certainly make her strive to please You when it is over and she is in her place again.
73. Defend her honor to those who would disrespect Your prized possession.
74. Pet her often.
75. Make her be webMistress for Your huge site, DallasBDSM. hehehehe
76. Whenever possible (i.e. no young-uns about), have her sleep in a cage.
77. Buy her sexy or slutty clothes to Your liking.
78. Teach her things….expand her knowledge…..in a patient Fatherly way.
79. When You are away, call her and have her masturbate for You.
80. If You choose to play with others, make sure Your slave knows who is first in Your heart…..and that some things are just for her.
81. Remember her birthday.
82. Lead her with a loving fist in her hair.
83. Wake her each morning with an assigned task for the day…..and make sure it is done by day’s end.
84. Teach her patience.
85. Videotape Your sessions and watch them together.
86. On long trips, have her wear double dildo latex underwear.
87. Hand feed her chocolate.
88. Have her place her regular wear shoes in a line by the front door. They should be in a straight line with the laces tucked inside, or the buckles buckled. Inspect them periodically.
89. Keep a list of her transgressions in a little book….let her slip for a while…thinking You are not noticing…..then one day, bring out the book and have a day of atonement.
90. Tickle her just because You can.
91. Have her be perfectly still and quiet while You bring her extreme pleasure…..when she moves or makes a sound punish her then return to the pleasure.
92. Keep her locked in her collar when You are home. You place it on her…..having her kneel. Wear the key to the lock around Your neck.
93. When possible, have her cook and serve Your dinner wearing nothing but an apron and collar.
94. Buy her a Polaroid camera and give her assignments to take pictures of herself for You in certain outfits or positions, etc.
95. Remember to kiss and caress away her tears.
96. Don’t be afraid to bring her to tears, for they are Yours as well.
97. Take her and the dog to the park, both on leashes.
98. Caress her, whisper into her ear that You love her, nibble on her belly, lick her thighs and make love to her until she cries.
99. Have her fall asleep with Your cock in her mouth and tell her You expect it to be there when You awake.
100. Occasionally, fulfill her fantasy.
101. Master’s word is the last word.
Addendum
102. Make sure that she is safe at all times….when with You and when You are apart (to the best of Your ability). Keep her vehicle in good working order, make sure she has emergency money and a cell phone to call for help if needed.
103. Be consistent.
104. Take the time to talk to her…..learn her fears, her dreams and fantasies. Use Your knowledge.
105. When You go out of town, forbid her to shave her sex. Shave her Yourself when You return.
106. Specify exactly how she will address You in private and in public.
107. If You are willing to correct her each time she forgets until it is a habit, have her refer to herself as “this slave” or “this girl” etc.

Sex and BDSM Play

Enhance Your Sex and BDSM Play with Rituals in the Bedroom

By lunaKM on July 29, 2013

Photo by Robynlou8 (CC BY 2.0) You are a bedroom submissive. You may only submit only in the bedroom, or on weekends or for only set time periods. So having rituals seems foreign to you, right? Maybe. They aren’t meant for you, right?
Wrong.
If you’ve ever thought that ritual and meditation was for full time submissives only or those in committed relationships then you haven’t broadened your thinking enough. It’s not just full time “lifestyle” submissives that can benefit from rituals, rules and protocols in their lives. Submissives that dabble in the bedroom only have a lot they can do to enhance their experience in play and sex with their partner.
As I’ve discussed before, rituals don’t have to be long drawn-out detailed processes. They are most powerful when they are short, simple and focused. So how can a ritual work for you and your part time submission?
Well, it can put you in the mood when you are having problems connecting to your submission for one. I have a playtime ritual myself because I have issues separating what we do for play with how he treats me the rest of the time. So, before play he places a play collar on me and when play is done, it comes off. This has grown to signify the start and end of play and helps me mentally transition from slave, to play slut and back to slave.
Some ideas for simple bedroom transition rituals:

• Kneeling before play
• Kissing the first tool/toy to be used
• Placing a collar only used for play
• Laying out the toys in a presentable manner
• Dressing for play
• Saying a mantra
• Playing a song you connect with

Of course, transition times aren’t the only moments when a ritual might be a nice addition. I know a couple submissives that have a methodical way to worship their partner’s body, that is so beautiful and focused. It joins them in more than the physical – it’s a connection of minds and souls.
In erotica, and also in real relationships it is possible to have to ask for another strike of something you normally don’t enjoy, or to have to count the strokes. This is also a form of ritual because it requires that you focus on one part of the action and it’s a simple way to keep you connected to the play.
Finally, I hope you can see that even if your D/s or BDSM relationship doesn’t leave the bedroom, you can add ritual to make it more focused, more pleasurable or more powerful for both of you.
What other ideas for rituals do you have for the casual player and the bedroom submissive?

Ligger på siden i en slags fosterstilling
Sammenkrøpet, uskyldig positur
Hånden din på hoftekammen
Hånden din på vei inn i meg
Sakte og forsiktig
Mer olje
Jeg klynker når hånden din er på sitt bredeste, over knokene.
Shhhhh, jenta mi. Bare puste rolig.
Lav stemme.
Kysser meg, stryker meg med den frie hånden.
Jeg legger innsatsen i å slappe av...ikke stramme en muskel.
Det sprenger. Det gjør vondt.
Det tar tid. Har tatt lang tid. Flere år.
Helt til kroppen min lukker seg rundt hånden din, tar deg i mot og omfavner håndleddet.

Jeg er lamslått. Jeg er overveldet.
Det føles så...totalt. Så blir jeg fylt av en slags glede, endelig klarte jeg det. Og ydmykhet. Over å være din.

Rommet er stille. Hånden din er stille inni meg. Du er stille. Tiden står litt stille. Jeg kjenner på følelsen. Det fysiske er blandet med så mye emosjon at det er vanskelig å skille hvilke esker å legge hva i.
Forsikringene dine kommer viskende i det jeg begynner å gråte, du vrikker så vidt på neven inni meg. Masserer alle punkt som er.
Flink jente. Stolt av deg.
Jeg kommer hulkende på den nesten ubevegelige hånden, jeg hører deg stønne langt borte av følelsen av skjedemuskulaturen som strammer seg rundt hånden din.
Du trekker hånden forsiktig ut når krampene har lagt seg og trekker meg, tårevåt og svett,  inn i armene.

Jeg er opprømt, høy og liten på en gang.
Du ser på meg, smiler, hører på og nikker. Trygg og rolig. 

Det er fascinerende hvordan alt det kinky, nasty og skumle blir vakkert når vi er sammen...Elsker deg!

(-gwendo- august -13)

hoppe sa gåsa, nei
binde sa reven !

så bandt han,
så gikk han
og borte var han så

og gåsa smilte
og tenkte

jeg hopper nå
litt for meg
selv likevel...

 

“You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect - you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there.”
― Bob Marley

Sex and Chocolate

deep chocolate covered kisses in the bath
hungry heart and mouth ready to begin again
comfort food for the soul, sex and chocolate

writing love poems on your hot flushed skin
mouth warmed chocolate rolls upon the tongue
songs from my heart written on sandy shore

freed to dance, swept up in a primal tidal flow
deep chocolate covered kisses in the bath
I smile at you, lick you clean and beg for more

burning bright, I whisper and croon the words
sweet songs My heart wrote for your ear alone
hungry heart and mouth ready to begin again

deep chocolate covered kisses in the bath
freed to dance, swept up in a primal tidal flow
sex and chocolate, comfort food for the soul

 

W. I. Boucher December 2, 2002

Mark Me in Red

            

tied spread-eagle to our bed
bound with silken scarves
made hard by anticipation
you pounce with feline grace

my naked flesh a fresh canvas
for your lipstick covered lips
crazy patterns spin us wildly
mark me as yours forevermore

rings of red run up and down
each inch another encircles me
marking each gasp and moan
coaxed out by her hungry mouth

till no space is left bare or dry
my love will rock her head and sigh
upon that pillar raised so high
to make me spill my seed for her 

W. I. Boucher November 12, 2002

En fugl i et træ er aldrig bange for, at grenen knækker.

Troen og tilliden ligger nemlig ikke i grenens styrke… Den ligger i egne vinger.
Tro på dig selv – tro på det du gør.

Male Submission – Foot Fetish

By ted_subby on April 23, 2013

photo by Pink Sherbet Photography (CC BY 2.0)

In this part 3 of my series of articles about Male Submission on The Submissive Guide, I discuss the role of a foot fetish. There are a whole lot of guys who have a fetish for feet, and while there are women who also have a foot fetish it is by far more prevalent with men.

First I will present the definition of foot fetish to which I refer in this article. A foot fetish could mean that the person is unable to have a full sexual reaction without feet being involved, but that is not what I am referring to and not the typical definition used in discussion groups such as the many foot fetish groups on FetLife. A foot fetish is a pronounced sexual interest in feet. However, for the purposes of this article I am going to remove the word sexual from that, since there are many guys who have an interest in feet, or submission, which is not overtly sexual. For the purposes of this article a foot fetish is a pronounced interest in feet.

Dynamics

I would like to point out that there are many guys who have a foot fetish without being submissive at all. There are dominants who have a foot fetish and there are many who have a foot fetish without having any interest in BDSM.

I have had a foot fetish since before I was a teenager, almost a decade before I became interested in BDSM submission. At that point it always seemed natural for me to include my enjoyment of feet with my feelings of submission, but I have learned long ago that a foot fetish does not necessarily lead to submission. It greatly depends upon the individual.

I have read commentary that any man who enjoys kissing feet cannot be a dominant because of the nature of the act but in my view that is obviously ridiculous. I have seen comments from many dominant men in foot fetish groups on FetLife about how well their fetish incorporates into being dominant. And there are many guys who post about enjoying feet but not being particularly interested in a power exchange situation.

That said, there are plenty of guys who have a foot fetish and are also submissive, and the two dynamics often work well together. Feet are the lowest part of the body and in vanilla society to be at someone’s feet is often viewed as a sign of submission or conquest. I read many comments on The Submissive Guide, FetLife, and other sites from submissives who greatly enjoy being at their dominant’s feet. Several months ago a thread in a M/f section of FetLife asked female submissives what situation they enjoy most (I do not remember the exact question on the thread) and response after response was that they enjoyed being at their Master’s feet. This really grabbed my attention but I quickly realized that this was not a foot fetish issue, it was a sign of submission. It did point out to me how lucky I and other guys are that we are able to combine our foot fetish with our submission, because the two work so well.

Varieties

I believe that it is not common knowledge regarding how much variety there is for those with a foot fetish. Because of this, it is not reasonable to think that one understands what a guy likes just because of the knowledge that he has a foot fetish.

Feet are feet, right? What sort of variety could there be, just size and shape? There is a lot more variety in the desire of a foot fetishist than you might think:

• The person attached to the feet: while there are guys who may not care much one way or the other about the person they are interacting – the “disembodied feet” syndrome – I believe that is rare. I believe this surprises many who do not know much about the subject, the person attached to the feet are usually important. There are guys who pay women for the enjoyment of worshiping the women’s feet and from what I read it is a lot more enjoyable when the woman enjoys it, and even more enjoyable when the woman is nice to be with as a person. And for myself and the friends I have who also have a foot fetish, it is especially true that the person attached to the feet is much more important than the feet. I was very lucky over 15 years ago to meet a woman, my Princess, who has always enjoyed attention to her feet. Even before I met her, had I met someone who was neutral about it but let me satisfy my fetish I would not have received nearly as much enjoyment from it. As with everything in my view, mutual enjoyment equals magic.

• Shoes, boots, socks, nylons, other footwear, tattoos, polish color, and/or bare: My fetish has always been for bare feet by far, although footwear is also a somewhat pronounced interest for me, so it was surprising to me to learn over the years that guys are all different in what they enjoy. Many guys have a specific preference about what, if anything, is worn on the feet and for bare feet many guys have a preference for or against polish or particular colors of polish. There are also guys who enjoy articles of footwear when there is no-one inside, and there are some guys who purchase used footwear from women, but often it is important for the footwear to be worn in order for the guy to enjoy it at the moment.

• Size, shape, and feel: I have seen many guys post specific preferences for or against small feet, large feet, medium-sized feet, thin, wide, smooth, wrinkly, small toes, long toes, thin toes, wide toes, and even the size of the second toe relative to the big toe can be important to some. That said, I believe that many guys do not have strong preferences about most of these unless the shape or size is extreme, and some guys have only slight preferences.

• Part of the foot: Toes, tops of the toes, pads of the toes, between the toes, arches, soles, ankles, tops, and heels, many guys have specific preferences. Whenever someone posts a photo of their feet it seems as though someone typically requests a different angle.

Psychology

Many guys do not have any submissive psychology in their enjoyment of feet but for those who do, there are a wide variety of dynamics.

Forced foot worship is a fun dynamic for many sub guys. How can it be “forced” if it is enjoyable? I could ask the same question about certain aspects of whipping, bondage, or many other BDSM-related activities. Consensual non-consent is an entire topic in itself.

Another fun dynamic is as an active show of submission, such as kneeling down and kissing, washing, rubbing lotion on, massaging, and/or giving a pedicure to a dominant’s feet. I know one male sub who gives free pedicures at private parties to many women who are dominant, submissive, or even at vanilla parties. Serving as a foot rest is also popular. I believe that submitting at a dominant’s feet is very popular for subs who do not have a foot fetish, so add in a foot fetish and the experience can be even more enjoyable. Often central to this dynamic is the enjoyment the dominant receives.

Trampling is another common activity, often involving pain or at least discomfort. I don’t see how guys could withstand some of the extreme trampling such as full weight in high heels or full weight of bare feet on his face, though I can understand the enjoyment of being trampled on in less intense ways.

Foot jobs are another common activity, involving someone using their feet to bring a guy to climax through direct genital pleasuring, or if not to climax then close. I do not know how common this is and for the past several months there has been an open challenge in FetLife foot fetish groups from a dominant woman who is looking for a guy to orgasm from a foot job, with some guys expressing a desire for it but no takers yet.

Performing bastinado, which is beating or other torment of the feet, is another way in which a guy’s foot fetish may manifest itself, although that would typically be limited to tops or dominants who would apply the torment.

Eating food off feet is a popular activity. Personally, I get distracted by the food a bit too much to enjoy the foot but I have read comments from many guys who enjoy this.

Tickling feet or having feet tickled is another enjoyable activity for some who have a foot fetish. I am not particularly ticklish but I can imagine how great the feeling of submission or torture could be if tickled to uncontrollable laughter. “I will do anything you say!” Tickling is a fetish in itself, often involving a lot more than only feet.

Someone with a foot fetish may enjoy one or more of these activities and mindsets, or others which I do not list, but it is not at all safe to assume that a guy with a foot fetish would enjoy all or even more than one of these. A recent FetLife thread asked guys what they mean when they say that they want to worship feet and the answers were quite varied just in terms of mindsets, in addition to the variety of specific activities. For example, I enjoy forced foot worship and active shows of submission, and maybe a bit of trampling, but foot jobs just don’t appeal much to me, being tickled is sort of pointless for me since I am not particularly ticklish (although tickling feet might be fun) and bastinado is out of the question as I would never want to cause pain to my Princess, especially to her beautiful feet. But those are just my own preferences.

“Foot slave” is a somewhat frequently used phrase, and as with many BDSM-related expressions it may mean different things to different people. It could mean that the submissive is a slave for the privilege of worshipping a dominant’s feet, or anyone’s feet. It could mean being a slave only to feet, so that any foot-related activity is fair game for slavery but non-foot-related activities may not be. Or it could just mean something else, such as a generic term for someone with a foot fetish.

Humiliation

Humiliation may or may not be involved in the enjoyment, depending upon the participants. For many submissives with a foot fetish, there is nothing humiliating about most of the mindsets listed above such as submission or foot jobs, whereas for many other submissives it is nicely humiliating to worship or be forced to worship feet, to be required to eat their dinner off feet, or to be trampled on. As with everything in this article, it all depends upon the individuals, and the concept of humiliation is particularly one of personal preference within BDSM as a whole.

Cleanliness and Scent: clean, slightly or very dirty, and slightly or very sweaty also differs by individual and some guys have a strong preference in this, while others do not. Dirt and sweat on feet can increase the humiliation factor if that mindset is involved. If dirty feet are involved, then it may be advisable to take some safety precautions, although some guys enjoy such dirty feet that they must have a strong constitution. I met my Princess online long distance and during the months in which we were talking every night on the phone she sent me her used socks at my request. I enthusiastically opened the package only to find that the socks smelled strongly of lotion, which was not at all to my liking to say the least. That was a learning experience for me!

Gender: in many cases a guy has a preference for the gender of the one whose feet he enjoys, and that is typically understood to match his sexual orientation. For example, a straight man will typically enjoy female feet. However, that is not always the case, especially if humiliation is involved. Surprisingly, there are many straight men who enjoy male feet. The enjoyment of male feet for a straight submissive man often involves a potentially strong humiliation factor, with the mindset of being “forced” to worship another man’s feet as a very strong appeal for some straight sub men with a foot fetish. That said, male feet are not appealing whatsoever for many straight sub men. Personally, the thought of the humiliation involved in my Princess “forcing” me to worship a guy’s feet would be very interesting to me, and she uses that information to effectively tease me unmercifully about it at times.

Shame

Many guys have felt initial shame in their lives about their foot fetish. I believe that this issue of some people feeling initial shame is common for most any “non-standard” preferences such as a fetish or BDSM, and certainly is not specific to guys. For a foot fetish, some guys initially feel as though he wished he was “normal” and some even try to deny it within themselves. Many guys do not tell their partner about their foot fetish, due in part to shame and/or to not wanting to risk alienating their partner.

A foot fetish may develop at any age and may or may not have a specific reason associated with its development. I have even read comments from a dominant woman who trained one of her male subs over the course of several months to have a foot fetish, to the point where he can’t help himself from thinking about a potential dominant’s feet when meeting someone new.

Personally, I was a pre-teen when I realized that I had a pronounced attraction to feet, long before I was aware of having any sexual or BDSM desires. I was ashamed of it but not to an extreme degree, it was only to the point that it would prevent me from talking about it with others. For a few years I felt and hoped that I would “grow out of it” and stop wanting feet. Then as a late teen as I began accepting other aspects of my life, including my new fantasies about BDSM submission, I began to accept my foot fetish as a positive and not a negative. After all, if something I enjoyed greatly were to suddenly become un-enjoyable, that would be very unfortunate, since joy is not something to be set aside without a great reason.

One of the best feelings in the world is when a partner, such as a significant other, fully accepts the feelings inside of you. That can take time, especially if there is some residual shame, but it is a great feeling to become confident that something which might be considered unusual or unacceptable to some is viewed as a positive by someone special. When I met my Princess and quickly learned, through her words and her actions, that she enjoys having her feet worshipped as much as I enjoy worshipping her, wow what a great feeling.

Summary

• A foot fetish is not necessarily related to submission, although for many guys the two combine well
• There are a whole lot of varieties of activities and preferences for guys with a foot fetish
• The enjoyment of humiliation is often involved in the mindset of submissive guys who enjoy feet, but it is not involved at all for many other submissive guys
• Shame of varying degree is often involved at least initially with many guys who enjoy feet, and often this is reduced or eliminated over time
• If someone special to you has a foot fetish, communicate your acceptance of that over time if that is how you feel

 

The Softer Side of BDSM
This is a piece I wrote on my Facebook page about three months ago. I have had a lot of questions lately about the hard parts and sexual parts of BDSM. So, I decided to expand this article in hopes to help enlighten the new people that either don't know about the softer side of BDSM or might not understand it. Feel free to leave your thoughts on the subject.

In mainstream society, a teddy bear is used for comfort. We sleep with them, cuddle them, and when we were kids, felt like we were safe at night, because Teddy was watching over us. When you look at this picture, you might think "that's cute" or "what does a teddy bear have to do with BDSM?". I see a pictorial view of a different side of the Lifestyle, a view that represents the mental and emotional connection of D/s.

BDSM is most often portrayed in a very harsh and almost sinister way in pictures and videos of women in bondage, gagged and being flogged or whipped. With these kinds of images as the results from internet searches, it's no wonder that many people think bad about the Lifestyle.

Mainstream media never focuses on the softer side of BDSM. They don't understand and can't relate to the feelings a Dom and slave/sub have for one another. They will never understand or focus on how the Dom takes care of and protects His/Her sub. They will never know, write about, or show a Dom cuddling his sub after a scene or after making love. They won't show the adoration, love, and complete devotion a sub/slave feels for the Dominant. If they showed that, well, BDSM might become more acceptable to 'Vanilla People' (horror of horrors).

There are many erotica books for sale now, such as the 50 Shades Trilogy, that are based on the writer's perspective of BDSM. People buy these books/eBooks by the 100's and get only the view of BDSM is nothing but sex, bondage, and punishments. These are all based on fantasy and not reality. There are so many ways to have a BDSM based relationship, I encourage you to read and research real BDSM blogs and books on the subject and not base what you think you may know about BDSM on the erotica, fantasy books.

As a community, we all have our fetishes, kinks, and preferred method of practicing BDSM. Most images I find depict the sub/slave bound, restrained and gagged or being flogged. These images are beautiful and I admit I have a fetish for a woman in collar and leash myself. But, I have never come across a picture that, to me, does such an awesome job of interpreting the softer, non-sexual part of BDSM.

I love the sex portion, but nothing can compare with the feelings of love, devotion, service, protection, structure, guidance and acceptance I get from my Padrone, being His live-in, real life, 24/7 slave.

Share your thoughts if you wish!

Michelle Fegatofi


Read more: http://bdsmunveiled.blogspot.com/2012/12/the-softer-side-of-bdsm.html#ixzz2csOUGYFk

alive and real as a doll 

black eyes blinking

voice crying 

“hello, will you play?”

without pulling the string 

once she is alive 

the ritual pulls us instead 

we lay still

A Rough Morning

Penny on Aug 10, 2012

A Rough Morning

For a few blurred, barely conscious moments, I forget where I am and remember a woman’s thick lips locked between my legs. As I blink past the sleep haze, I feel Jake’s warm body next to mine, and he shifts slightly. I don’t usually wake up horny, but the image of the woman in my dream is fresh and ripe in my mind, and wetness stirs between my legs, as if she was still there, still softly circling my clit with her tongue.

I wonder if Jake would be grumpy if I woke him up for sex, and then realize the thought is ridiculous. Jake is always ready for sex, even half conscious, tired, hung-over, sick, whatever. He’s facing away from me, and I roll over him, searching for his penis as I gently kiss his lips.

As soon as my hand finds him, his body awakens before he does, and he grumbles and grabs for my head, thrusting it downward roughly, eyes still closed. Half hard, I take all of him in, and he groans in approval as I bring his cock to life.

“That’s my good little mouth,” he says as he yanks my head back by a handful of hair, and I nod in an eager reply, eyes locked on his as he plunges through my throat.

I love the way his instincts take over, how he moves with such force though barely awake.  Wet and ready for attention, I wiggle my butt up in the air, hinting for his gentle touch between my legs. Instead, he brings his palm down hard on one cheek and then the other, and with each spank my muscles twitch and then relax, and I can feel my now full lips throbbing in time with my frantic heartbeat.

After my messy and attentive deep throating, Jake rewards me by throwing me onto my back, peeling my legs open with a dirty smile and then covering me with his mouth, teasing. He knows that I want him inside, but he only licks and caresses until I can’t take it anymore.

“Finger me now,” I whimper, thrusting my hips up and down anxiously, “please.”

By the time he reaches in with two fingers, I feel like I am going to explode and even his first light touch almost sends me over the edge. I flush as he moves his fingers faster inside me, and then slaps my pussy with his free hand.

“Oh, fuck!” I scream, my juices running down his fingers and onto the sheets beneath.

He takes a moment to lick them, as if I’m fruit to be devoured and savored, relished. I taste myself on his lips as he kisses me and then pulls me to the edge of the bed, where he stands up, hand on his hardness.

“Do you want to get fucked now?” he asks as he rubs himself over my clit.

“Fuck, yes!”

My legs tremble as his cock fills me, and I can feel my g-spot growing each time he thrusts. My vision blurs, and I feel as if I’m in a kaleidoscope of pleasure, lost in orgasms that seem to grow and multiply uncontrollably, leaving me shaking and breathless. He puts one strong hand around my neck while he thrusts, and holds it just tight enough to make me gasp and then releases, and just when I feel like I am going to faint with ecstasy he turns me over, fucking me hard from behind as he spanks me again.

For awhile I hold myself up with one hand and caress my clit with the other, but eventually my body fatigues and I collapse beneath him, my arms almost unable to function. He flips me again, pulling me up on top of him as he stands, gripping my legs, and I use all of the energy I have left to bounce up and down on top of him.

Time seems to slow and speed up at random, and thoughts give way to only the physical: his fingers on my ass, my hand around his neck, his teeth on my ear, and oh his cock, his cock, his hard fucking cock inside me. I’m not sure if I fall or if he throws me, but soon I’m back on the bed, and he’s holding my legs up crossed in the air, and he slaps my right breast with his free hand.

“Fuck!” I yell, unable to say anything beyond those four simple letters.

He hits my other breast, harder, and my fingers grip into his legs, nails digging into his sweaty skin.

I scream again, making a scene of it, not holding anything back. My pussy tightens and pushes him out, and I rub my hand over myself as I gush all over both of us. He hits his cock against my cunt as I come and come, which makes my fluids to spray in every direction, and I giggle a little as I feel my own warm wetness sprinkle my face.

Drenched in my juices, he fucks me again, and it’s wet and messy and slippery as hell. I moan as he grasps the flesh on my hips, thrusting wildly. He pulls one of my legs up and gets me at just the right angle, and another orgasm floods over me as he grumbles, “where do you want it baby?”

“On my ass,” I demand, and he let’s go, warm cum spewing on my butt and thighs, mixing with mine and trickling between my legs.

“Oh my fucking god,” I gasp.

“I think that was the best sex we’ve ever had,” he says.

“You said that yesterday,” I say, as I laugh and moan in giddy post orgasmic bliss.