one year...the first year...           

one year ago....
i had never been bound, or restrained...
i had never worn a collar, cuffs, or blindfold...
i had never received a spanking, caning, flogging or beating of any sort...
i had never experienced fire play...
i had never heard of e-stim...
i had never heard of predicament play or bondage...
i had never heard of a hitachi...
i had never worn clover clamps...
i had never experienced ginger or figging...
i had never used a cane or any other impact implement...
i had never tied up boy bits...
i had never enjoyed giving someone else the pleasures that i myself now
know i love in these types of play...
i had never been naked in front of others i didn't know...
i had never had an orgasm as a result of impact play...
i had not been made to orgasm by someone else in any way, for over 8 years...
i had never given control of my body to someone else...
i had never given up control period...
today i have done all of these things and more...and wait for the next
playtime when i can do them again!
one year ago...
i didn't believe i was pretty or sexy...
i didn't have a great self image, esteem or confidence...
i didn't believe anyone else would think i was pretty or sexy...
i didn't believe that others would want to know or play with me... i was
very shy, and scared to death of meeting or talking to other people i did
not already know...
i wouldn't or didn't know how to ask for what i wanted (though some of
that has been learning what i DO want)...
it was one year ago, the last friday in september 2012, i pulled up to
Susan and Al's home, took a deep breath and took action on a decision that
would bring about many changes in my life....
the decision - to visit them for a weekend of play, my first
weekend of play...
lets back up a few weeks.....
labor day weekend 2012, i was at a glassworkers symposium as was Susan, a
glass/lampworking friend of mine. her husband, Al, had joined her for the
weekend event. in one of my emails to Susan before the event i had made a
comment/suggestion/remark, that though could be taken as kinky, could
also be taken as not kinky. as the topic had never come up with her, i
wasn't worried that she would take it as anything more than the funny
playful comment it was. the last night in the hotel, they had come to my
room to discuss some of the things happening closer to home. at one point
i was asked if i was kinky. i was caught, and got bright red. we
happened to be in my room, and i was soooooo glad, that i was in jammies,
under covers, as i was nervous, feet wiggling, and shaking...i admitted my
desire and interest to Susan and Al, as well as another friend in the room
who kind of knew i was kinky-minded, but also admitted my total lack of
experience, maybe even hoping that would stop the conversation.
nope... i was offered my first spanking, which i declined. i was a bit
excited however, by the spanking Al proceeded to give Susan..only a few
feet from me. i honestly think he knew he had pushed my buttons. they
mentioned i should consider coming to visit them for a weekend and they
would introduce me to this play and world i had a definite interest in.
i made my decision.....
Al, Susan, and i then kept in touch, and within a few days a weekend had
been set, only 3 short weeks away. Al and i conversed
in text almost daily for those few weeks. some rules were laid out, and
not only was i beginning to submit to him, follow his instructions, but i
also began to learn about other important aspects of playing, things like
safe calls, which i made each day, safe words, negotiation and more.
during my drive to their house, we kept in touch by phone, so
they knew i had pulled in. i walked in the door, and without any other
discussion was told to take off my clothes, i was not permitted them until
it was time to go home, and immediately i was in a collar and cuffs for
the weekend. i am not sure i actually believed them when i was told this
was what would happen. i did as i was told and within 5 minutes i was
blindfolded, restrained and getting my first spanking, and beating....my
first taste of a bliss i had only dreamed of.
one year later.....
my thoughts on myself are very different.
i love who i am...
i am sexy and prefer my thongs and silky lacy bras to my old cotton
underwear...
i love going to parties and events to meet others and am doing better
meeting and getting to know others. i have no problem and even enjoy
losing all of my clothing in appropriate parties and dungeons...
i have no problem at all, asking for a good beating or figging and caning!
the one thing i really don't have words to describe are those about what i
have learned about trust...good and bad, and the wonders that can happen
when it is total and right.
i am working to continue improving in many areas...still much room for
improvement...but i am working on these things and will get there!
i also have no doubt that somewhere along my path,i will be able to find
and experiences all of the "wants" still on my list.....
it is amazing how much can happen in one year, especially a "first year"...
i am looking forward to the work and play of the years to come!
to Susan and Al, THANK YOU! i wish i could figure out what more to say,
but the words just aren't enough for all you have done, shared, shown and
given me over the last year. i am more than excited about the years to
come!
~ rose